I'm still in the hospital, but I finally have my laptop here with me. The term "hot mess" doesn't even begin to describe how I have been. I was taken by ambulance twice and then to the hospital again before things took a turn for the worse and I was admitted. Being high risk + cardiac + a whole slew of random and confusing symptoms has made things a mess. Basically, if I walked more than 15 feet I would either collapse or feel like I was going to pass out. Paramedics could not get a pulse on me and my blood pressure was out of control. I am now on a telemetry floor and am in good hands but not feeling well at all. I haven't coughed up blood for couple hours, but I just feel ill.
I am having adverse reactions to all the breathing medications they are giving me and I need them. My mind is foggy, I'm in pain, I'm frustrated and lonely. My white cell count went up today and I got very discouraged. My boys can't come because they both have little colds and I am so susceptible right now. Doctors don't want me to have visitors for the same reasons. I have pneumonia, but I have so many other troubling symptoms that the doctor cannot pinpoint and it is making everyone uneasy.
It's not like I am just sick and not getting better. I am sick and they don't fully understand what else is going on. You expect to go to the hospital and these doctors find out what is wrong and make you better. I have been researching stuff online myself, doctors, nurses, techs, and other staff here have been throwing out ideas and everyone is working towards some answers for me.
I am scared, really scared. When the ambulance first came and three of the paramedics tried to find my pulse and couldn't it was really hard to compose myself. Johnny was climbing all over me and they kept swooping him up and taking him away. I just grabbed the guy's hand and said, "please just make me better, that little guy needs his mama." I just want to be better, need to be better. I am so sad how many times Johnny has seen mommy go away in an ambulance. Sounds pretty dramatic, but being that sick and no one being able to find your pulse is also pretty dramatic.
I miss Johnny so much it hurts. I have been away from him for less 30 hours before and it has been a week since I have been able to take care of him and days since I have seen him. Makes me so sad that I can't be with my little man. I miss that cute little smile and hearing that sweet laughing. I miss him SO much...I just have to be strong and get better for him.
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99 comments:
Honey I am so sorry you are sick and I hope you get better soon. You are in my prayers. I also have a serious heart condition and have been taken by ambulance to the hospital and even on life support. I will be praying for you and keep us updated
sending lots of good thoughts and hugs your way!! xoxo
Always thinking of you. Positive ticker thoughts...
Jewels I really hope you start feeling better :) You are a strong lady & can get through anything :) I can't even imagine how you feel right now, just know that I think the world of you & I'm sending a LOT of positive thoughts your way :) xoxo Emilie
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope that your doctors figure out what all is going on soon. I hope that you start feeling better soon so you can get home to your hubby and your little boy.
My prayers are with you! I cannot imagine how scared you must feel right now. I hope that the doctors have some answers soon... and some solutions!
Oh I so hope they find the problem soon. I will keep the prayers going up for you. I know your son misses you too. God Bless. Hugs, Marty
I am so sorry you are having to go through this I know that must be scarey for you I'll keep you in my prayers and if you need anything us bloggers will be here for you I hope you get better girlie. hugs..
I'm so sorry! I know you will get better, just hang in there, I'll be saying a prayer for you!
Sending lots of love and prayers your way! Feel better soon!
This just makes me hurt for you. I hope you get better ASAP and get to hug that baby! xoxo
I hope they can figure out something soon to make you feel better!!
Mighty Jehovah Rophe, I come boldly to yo9ur throne in intercession for Jewels. Lord you said you counted every hair on her head before breathgin life into her body. Father I know that nothing is impossible with you. I pray you impart the wisdom to the doctors and move in her room and in her body with the healing blood of Jesus. I bind every attack against her body that has been launched and send that enemy back to the pits from where he came. Lord we ask that you return her to her family and fill her from the top of her head to the soles of her feet with the healing blood of Jesus. Heal her in a way that no one but you could claim responsibility.. In the mighty name of Jesus.. Amen
Oh sweetie!!! So sorry to hear about this! Hang in there, and you'll be in my prayers:-)
And yes keep your blog friends updated when you can!
I am so sorry honey. Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.
thinking of you :) Feel better and stay strong!!
Thinking of you, get better soon!
Hugs darling ! I hope you know we're here for you, at least for moral support :) We love you xoxox Hope you feel much better soon !!
Darling, prayers and good vibes for you. I hope the doctors help you get back to your little man soon!
*Big Hugs* I truly hope you feel better soon! I'll be thinking positive thoughts :)
OMG, I am sooooo, sooooo sorry to hear you're not feeling well and that you're in the hospital!
I hope the drs. figure out what's wrong very soon and are able to fix it or at least make you well enough to go home.
I hate that your hubby and son can't come visit you. It doesn't sound like you've really had any other visitors either. How scary and lonely that must be! My father has been in the hospital several times over the years and he says the middle of the night is the worst because that's when he's alone.
I've got a candle lit for you right now and will keep you in my prayers!
your post brought tears to my eyes. I cannot even imagine not seeing my kids for even a few days, so i can't even fathom what you must be feeling. I'm so sorry you are going through this. All of us are praying and wishing you get better real soon, cuz your boys need you!
hugs
juli
get well.
Oh' Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that your having such a rough time of it. I would be scared as a jack rabbit myself. Try to get the rest you need and let them take care of you. That way when you head home to Johnny you'll have all the energy you'll need.
You're in my prayers and thoughts.
Hugs...Tracy :)
Holy moly, and I thought my hospital madness was bad!! I'm so terribly sorry that you're in such a cruddy spot right now. *hugs* I will be praying like a fiend for your immediate diagnosis, so they can get on the right track to making you better!! Take it easy, and kick those nurses....it's very theraputic. ;)
Get well soon! Thinking of you!
I am so sorry to hear how ill you are, I hope they can sort you out soon so you can get home to your little man xx Sending you positive energy and hugs xx Get well soon hun x
Just hold on in there...I had some major health issues a while back ...You are strong ...Your strength is your child, his mom will be there for him.x.
Sending good vibes your way - get well soon!
Thinking of you and sending good vibes your way. You're a tough cookie J - I know you'll be well soon!
So scary...while you may use the word "dramatic," I would use truthful. I really hope they find something to help you out soon. There's nothing worse than not knowing a damn thing. Hang in there and keep researching. You're your own advocate in there.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray they find out what is going on with you and for a speedy recovery.
I'm so sorry. Can you skype so you can see your little guy?! Praying for you!
I am so sorry! I can only imagine the ache your heart feels not being able to see your little guy :( I will be thinking of you! I hope you get some answers and some relief soon hugs
Praying for you!
I'm so sorry sweetie. Prayers for you to feel better and for the doctors to find some answers!!
I'm thinking of you...wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Warm thoughts and hugs coming your way <3
Sending Happy thoughts and prayers your way!!! Get better soon!!!
Sending tons & tons of prayers and happy thoughts your way! Get better soon, girl.
I'm so sorry! I really hope you and the doctors find the answer to what's causing your problems and get you better.
Sending lots and lots of well wishes and love your way! I can't imagine being without my babies, but your strength will bring you back to him!
I hope you find some answers and solutions so soon and get better!
Bless your heart Julianna, I'm so sorry to hear how sick you are. I would like to put on my prayer list. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope and pray for a speedy recovery 'cause I know how bad the desire is to hurry up and get back home to your children.
Jewels, that sucks. I'm sorry!
I don't know, I think medicine most of the times makes things worse. I hate medicine!
Feel better girrrrrrl!
I really hope you'll get well soon. Poor you :( so scary.
Sending some positive energy your way!
I'm so sorry you're sick, and it's so much more frustrating when the doctors can't figure it out! Hang it there, I'm sending sweet thoughts and prayers your way!
wow.
i can't imagine being sick and not knowing what is wrong...
...i pray that they find the answers that you need to hear and that you are back to your boys in no time.
big hugs coming your way through the screen.
So sorry you are sick. You are in my thoughts and prayers!!! Sending you lots of good and healthy vibes over. Keep us updated.
I'm so sorry!!! Hang in there Jewels! Sending lots of love your way and hopes for a speedy recovery. Hope you get to see your boys soon. We are all thinking of you. xoxox
Hey, I hope you're doing better. I'm praying for you. Keep us posted =)
I am thinking of you and praying lots! I hope you are feeling much better soon! We're all here for you!
Oh goodness. I am so sorry to hear this! I will be thinking about you and praying that you get better soon! I'll also be praying for your family since I know they miss you so much. Hang in there. Keep up updated!!
xoxo
Praying the doctors can figure out what's going on and you start to feel better!
Sending hugs and prayers!
Juliana,
I just want you to feel better. You know that. I am going to give you the site of a blog I read recently. This girl had lots of issues that the doctor couldn't figure out. I don't know what your symptoms are, but she shares what hers are. Take a look and see if you have anything in common. It might not help, but it can't hurt.
http://margotpotter.blogspot.com/2010/07/mycoplasma-and-asthma-my-diagnosis-from.html
Hope your doctors get to the bottom of this soon!
Love ya,
Robin
OMG! I am so sorry you are going through this. Lots of thoughts and prayers your way.
Sending you good thoughts and feelings as well as praying for the Doctors to have the wisdom to help you. Preaying for you to have the strength to get better!
Oh wow. I am so sorry. I hope they figure things out and get you feeling better soon! I'll add prayers too.
Juliana-
I have been a little blog MIA and just saw your post. I am praying for you. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I am here to listen and chat if you need anything. I began to tear up when I read your post, because I know what it is to be the child in this situation, and see your momma in the hospital often. I will continue to be praying for you, and your sweet baby boy.
xoxo
::hugs:: You're in my thoughts, sweetie. Feel better soon.
I hope you feel better lovely!
I will be thinking and praying and sending lots of good healing vibes to you!
**thoughts and prayers coming your way** I may work in a hospital, but it is certainly the last place I would want to be. I know how frustrating and scary it can be to have all sorts of complicated symptoms, but not get any answers...best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Prayers are with you!!! Maybe create a medical blog and list all of your symptoms and what you are feeling. Have your blog friends send it to everyone they know and it might just reach the hands of that one doctor in switzerland who knows what you have! The internet is a powerful thing and you have lots of people who love you! Use it to your advantage dear!!! :)
I was just getting on to catch up on my blogging and was reading yours and couldn't believe what has happened to you!!! I wish you nothing but the best on your recovery and I hope you get better soon so that you can spend time with all the boys in your life. Keep your chin up...hopefully things will get better but you need to take care of yourself right now! Good luck and keep us all posted on things:)
Good thoughts and well wishes being sent your way. I pray that you will be home with your Johnny soon! I will keep you and your doctors on my heart.
I'll keep you in my thoughts this week! I am so impressed by your strength - it will help get you through this! Your family must be so proud of you!
I have tears in my eyes from reading that you haven't seen your little guy in such a long time. I pray that you get better soon!
I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I will be praying for you and that doctors will be able to find out what is going on.
I my goodness!! Thinking and praying for your complete recovery!!
i've missed you! so sorry you are sick..praying for you and your boys!
love u! feel better!!!!!!!!!!! tam
Oh no!!! I am so so sorry that you are so sick!! I hope they can find out what is wrong and fix you very soon so you can go home to your little boy (and big boy!)
Thinking and praying for you!! xoxoxo
That post just broke my heart! I hope that those doctors are able to come up with some answers soon and that you get better quickly so that little boy is in your arms again!
hope you feel better soon :) !!
I am praying for you. I have been MIA on here for a week because my little man got sick again and I just feel awful reading this post. I am so sorry you were taken via ambulance- twice. Praying they find out what else is going on & fast. It must be so hard being away from your son. I am so sorry for that. Love & hugs to you. Praying....xoxoxo
Oh man oh man. Hugs and prayers.
Prayers for you, your little fellow and answers.
May the doctors quickly find the best treatment to make you well and to see you reunited with your precious family....
Can only image how frightening this is for you.
Hope you're feeling better soon. I'm wishing you all the best xoxo
I'm praying for you darling!! STAY STRONG!!
Love, Mere
Sucks that you're so sick! I hope they figure out what's wrong with you soon, and you get better ASAP!
Take care of yourself! HUGS!
Sending hugs, love, positive thoughts, and prayers your way!! <3<3<3
I am so sorry!! It is terrible being away from your little one and not getting answers- Saying a prayer and sending hugs your way!
Lily
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear this! My thoughts are with you and I truly hope they're able to help you soon. Stay strong and confident that you'll be home soon!
My prayers are with you!
praying for the doctors to have wisdom and figure out what exactly is going on.
I am so sorry that you are sick. I can't imagine whaty ou must be thinking or feeling right now. I am praying for you. For God to give you the strength, the Dr.s knowledge and little Johnny peace. Poor baby. Praying for a quick recovery.
First, you need a webcam and to download Skype so you can see and talk to yer kids a couple times a day. Two. Two webcams. One for your computer and one for a computer your kids can use. It's pretty easy to use. Could revolutionize hospital visiting, come to think of it!
What are your symptoms? I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV (I climb onto my TV and pretend I'm a doctor). Actually, I've read stories of people who have mysterious diseases that someone outside the person's doctors hears about the symptoms and says, "Oh, that's so and so, my aunt had it," and it's the right diagnosis. Just something doctors hadn't heard of in that area. One woman kept being told she was anorexic and was force fed, even though she told everyone she was eating normally, but kept losing weight. She was within a couple months of likely dying when a newer doctor decided to look back at her case from the start rather than go by what prior docs had said, and he determined she had: Celiac disease; she couldn't process wheat. Totally non-fatal if diagnosed. The more food they forced into her, the worse they were making it. Just took someone outside the circle to look at it fresh. She's fine now.
So, tell all of us your symptoms (if you want). Maybe someone among us will have a bell ring and make a suggestion that might work out. It's like having 200 interns working for you!
Sending you loads of get well wishes, hugs and prayers:)
Oh no, I haven't been catching up on blogs for a while and had no idea you were so sick =( I really hope they figure out what's going on and get you better soon! And the idea that someone else had with the webcams is a great idea if the hospital would let you have them. Sending you tons of positive vibes so you can get better and home to your family...
New follower; Stumbled upon your blog and loved it.
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that you are so sick. I know you must miss your little guy like crazy, but you are no good for him being sick. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep all us in blogger world posted on how you are doing.
I'm so sorry. I'm sure this is scary and sad and all sorts of terrible feelings that I can't begin to say I understand. Sending you happy thoughts and sending prayers up for you and for wisdom for your doctors!
I hope you are feeling better!
Miss Juliana, did you know you're famous?! You can read all about it right here:
http://andthenicouldntbreathe.blogspot.com/2010/08/like-you-dont-read-tabloids-too-while.html
Hope you're feeling better, honey!
Hi Juliana,
I hope you have recovered somewhat by now. In any case I am sending you wall to wall Delft blue wishes for a speedy recovery.
Take care, and I feel so sorry for you - it is awful to miss all your loved ones, particularly your little boy.
XO, Jacoba
I keep coming back to your blog hoping to find an update saying that you're doing better. My fingers are crossed and I'm sending up prayers and wishes for you.
Holy moly, you have a lot of comments!
You will get better! Be strong girl and just thing, THIS WILL END! Does not sound fun though. :(
Who eggs cars? Is the hospital the new teen hang out?
Oh and maybe go on Mystery Diagnosis. Maybe you'll get paid lots of money and have cash left over after paying those bills!
I am so sorry you are sick. This is not going to help diagnose you, but it is a related story of doctores scratching their heads. When I was 40,( I am sixty now), I had fevers that spiked unexepectedly. I each time had pneumonia. Doctors heads were getting sore from them scratching them so much. They would spike to 104, and completly dehydrating me. They didn't get a postive pneumonia xray until 48 hours later. They did every test known to man kind and no one ever found out what was wrong with me. I had a couple blood specialists that felt I had some type of terminal disease that would manifest itself eventually during one of the episodes, but wouldn't tell me what those diseases were.
Then something strange happened. The fever episodes stopped, they still had no diagnosis, and as far as the nasty fevers go I am fine, and do not spike those fevers anymomre. That was 20 years ago. Yes, older age and 41 years of smoking caught up with me, and I do have emphysema now, but I dont consider that a terminal disease. I have been smoke free for 2 years and 2 months.
You hang in there my dear, remember this story, and keep fighting. Do you know what I told the doctor when he mentioned terminal diseases, which by the way I didn't have. I said well they better be tough if they are going to take me out, I've climbed some high mountains in my life.
Smoking cessation and emphysema is why I started blogging. Therapy of keeping hands and mind engaged. The first was the health blog, then the coupon blog.
I will be praying for you my fellow blogger, you will be coming through this just like I came through mine. I have a oral surgery to go through soon. Ugh and Yuk, but I will make it, because I learned something very important through all the trials and tribulations. Every day is a
Gift from God.
Chin up Now.
Susan
http://amazingcouponanddiscountdeals.blogspot.com
http://susan-livinghealthywithchallenges.blogspot.com
Sounds like you are having a really rough time. When my daughter was 2 weeks old I was admitted to hospital with a blood clot. Being away from her when she was so little was like torture. I know what you must be feeling right now but be strong and hold on. Everyone is keeping you in their thoughts and hoping for you to get better so don't let them down!
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