A blonde walks into a blog....

I'm coming back...

2011-05-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

It would take me a year to figure out how explain what has happened to me in the last 10 months. For now...I'm coming back. One step at a time (quite literally). This was written for me today and I wanted to share~~

http://tagudin.typepad.com/alter_everything/2011/05/day-175-with-love-to-juliana-and-all-the-julianas-in-my-life.html

An amazing blogger, check her out.

Want a glimpse into what my life has been like:

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Check your local listings for showings. The documentary is also on Netflix for immediate viewing.

I've missed you all very much. Thank to all of you who have connected with me through other social media and helped me get where I am today. I am still in bed 10 months now, but I am making progress everyday. I'm walking to the bathroom and even down the hall a bit. I have answers and one day I am going to get my life back in the biggest way possible.

P.S. I apologize if I haven't replied to your email. I literally have thousands of emails mainly junk in my blogging email. I will eventually get through them.

oxox

Hiatus

2011-02-28T18:52:00.001-07:00

This blog is on a long term hiatus until I am fixed again. I miss you all very much but haven't been well enough to maintain it. I'm insanely blessed to have the greatest friends in this entire world. All the love and support has been the reason I am getting by. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through. Please don't take a single thing for granted. When you have your health you have everything. I would give anything in the world to have my life back.

I'll be back one day...

Dear Johnny

2011-01-07T10:04:00.004-07:00

Dear Johnny it's been awhile since I wrote you a letter. I hope and pray you'll have very little recollection of this phase of our lives. If you are able to conjure up any moments from this young age I hope they are blurred memories bundled up in faint giggles. I hope you can only remember the good times even though often those seemed far and in-between. The truth is there is always more good than the visible eye can see. If you can remember these days I'd want you to remember that it's only on the darkest nights of our lives that the stars are most visible.

You woke up tonight with a terrible nightmare. You screamed so loudly the air just escaped from your little lungs and clung onto the walls of this house. You were screaming ,"mommy no! No ambulance!" I heard it and my heart sunk (it's always my heart doing something isn't (wasn't) it? Only your nightmare has been our reality for months. I hate that I was the instigator of your terror. It shouldn't be that way. Two and half year olds should play with toy ambulances and make fun siren noises, they shouldn't be strapped to one that's taking their mommy for the dozenth time this year. You should be playing in the snow and not asking if I need more oxygen or if I need medicine. I'm sorry. I really am. But know that even though my heart may be flawed in so many ways medically that it truly beats for you. People throw words around all the time but I mean it when I say that you saved me. You did and someday when you are old enough to understand why you'll know.

I know that I am missing out on a lot of your life right now. I cry about it a lot but there's not much I can do but hope. Hope for better days and all the fun we will have together. For now, I'll take what I can get. At this exact moment you are asleep in my bed next to me. I'm exhausted and I sleep most of the day but I'm wide awake. I watched you sleeping for awhile that cute little pucker and your soft sweet face. I held your little foot and thought about all the places it will take you in life. I held your tiny body next to mine and found my breath was taken away. This time not because of something medical but again because I am overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for you. When you are a parent someday you will understand it. All my life I was enamored with love...I've lived everyday for just another taste and couldn't get enough. Then you were born and it's like nothing I'd ever felt before. Ten million, trillion times stronger than any love I'd ever had for anyone even your daddy. It's the most beautiful Feeling in the world. I'm your mommy! Every time I see that I smile as if it's the first time I've ever said those words. The best thing I'll ever be called...mommy. Your mommy. I've always loved you good times, bad times, the worst of times-all of it. Even when I wasn't there...even all those months when someone else tucked you into bed. Those months when I felt like someone had replaced me they hadn't I was still your mommy. In bed or not I love you just the same actually more.

I'm your mommy:) that's the greatest thing in the world

Hello 2011

2011-01-03T12:07:00.001-07:00

Hello 2011,

Hi guys! It's me, it's been a lot longer than I realized. So much has happened that I don't even know where to start. I'll recap with the few pictures I've got in this blog...but I sure have missed everyone. I'm still in bed...5 months now. It's been hard, really REALLY hard...but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We know what's wrong now and I am going to get my life back. I'll explain more in future blogs...nothing else really happened in my life except health stuff, lots of hospitals, multiple 911 calls and many specialists to figure out why my body has been so broken...

BUT...I miss my blog. I miss blogging. I miss reading blogs. I miss getting free stuff, I miss the money, I miss the whole damn thing!

I used to love to blog...my blog was my sweet release. It was the place I went to unleash a flood of emotions through words that were often just flowing through my fingers and sometimes made no sense. Still, they made me feel better and eventually this blog became more than just a release because I met you guys. I met people who have changed my life for a moment, for a lifetime. Then I lost all my comments when I got my lovely blog makeover and it crushed me that all those memories were lost forever. Once I got sick my blog was more for me than anyone. My blog wasn't what it always was and I lost a lot of followers and comments...but it's my blog my life. I can't control the way things have been or how they still are and once again this blog was started for me. I'm regaining it back. I'm healthy enough to blog again and am slowly going to get back into it.

Miss you guys. (Please don't be offended if I takes me awhile to get to your blog...I'll get there eventually)

P.S. To the wonderful etsy sellers and small businesses that sent me product that I have yet to review and go giveaways with...I will start scheduling them slowly as my health allows.

My life in pictures the last 5 months-

1st picture-At the beginning of my illness when I had pneumonia. I had just walked from the cot to the curb and my proud hubby took this picture. Little did I know what was to come. I felt like crap in this picture and was NOT pleased with my newest fashion accessory.

2nd-Dexter came into my life and kept me company through the roughest days.

3rd-How I spent almost the majority of a couple months totally FLAT or on my side

4th-My pissed off heart! In the cardiac unit they couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting better. Then I got an unknown virus from the hospital that made me REALLY ill. Little did we know I have multiple immune deficiencies and couldn't fight it at all. (I start IVIG and SubQ infusions for the rest of my life hopefully this week!)

5-I have a whole photo album of these. Since I couldn't go out and do anything my sorority sisters took a cardboard cut out of me on all sorts of adventures! People were so nice-they took pictures of Christmas lights including my own house so I could get to see everything. People brought Christmas to our house this year. We were so overwhelmed with all the love and support.

6-My doctors appointment last week

7-On Christmas we had me lay on the floor near the tree. I lasted three hours and then paid for it for days, but it was worth it! Here's a picture of Johnny falling asleep on me. Being away from him so much was the hardest part of this experience. This was one of the best moments of my year.

QOTD: "To live every day as if it had been stolen from death, that is how I would like to live. To feel the joy of life, as Eve felt the joy of life. To separate oneself from the burden, the angst, the anguish that we all encounter every day. To say I am alive, I am wonderful, I am. I am. That is something to aspire to."
— Garth Stein ...

Golden leaves

2010-09-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

My mom took me to one of my appointments yesterday. She is driving down the street and all my senses are overwhelmed. Flashing colors. People. Scents. Movement. Life…it’s a total sensory overload from my 65+ days in bed. I am shocked to see that the trees lining the street have leaves of bright shimmery yellows and golds. The grass is covered in a soft confetti of color, it's one of my favorite times of year. The air is unseasonably hot for this time of year, but there is a slight fragrance of autumn. I see my neighbors in a whirl wind of motion and sound little feet running, bikes whizzing past, giggles, voices, and dogs barking-sounds.

How did this happen? Where did the time go? The last day I was over here it was July and we were splashing at the pool. Just Johnny and I playing together...me being his mommy...doing what mommy's and son's do together. Just living life. My life--things felt perfect.

Where did the summer go? Where did my August and September go, and can it actually be true that it’s almost October? I just missed those days, those weeks and now months-it feels like it all happened without me. But, that’s not true…I was there and many of those seconds, minutes and days felt like a lifetime. A tinge of jealously mixed with anger and sadness comes over me. I realize just how difficult it has been to “watch” everyone else just go on about their lives. It’s very hard not to mourn the life you didn’t have, especially when it comes to Johnny and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless on so many levels…and I am and I am not. Every day I feel helpless simply based on the fact that I cannot take care of my basic needs. I feel the desperation frequently of a little child who depends on their parents for everything to survive. I should be that parent, but instead I have been playing the role of that child. Many days I feel worthless-it’s pretty impossible to put into words. One day I will take one step forward only to fall 50 feet back the next day. I have felt like a human pin cushion, a medical mystery….just damaged and defective.

I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into this isolation and depression. It’s so easy to tell someone that this is temporary and everything will be ok. Everything is ok unless it’s you going through it. Even then, I have always found a way to make it ok in my life even when it wasn’t. It wasn’t, but it WILL be...and I needed to accept that while pushing through this with everything I had even when my body gave up. It’s easy to tell someone to just cheer up…when the person saying it is the one who is happy. A lot of people don’t realize that most people with chronic or severe illness can and do experience some form of depression. I have friends that tell me that they wouldn’t last a week stuck in bed…but it’s amazing what the body and mind are capable of. You push through, because you have no other choice.

Imagine what it would feel like if your brain stopped sending correct messages to your body…your heart rate turned into a horse that had just escaped. You push through when you really just want to give up because you know what you’re fighting for. There have literally been moments when I have pushed through just by picturing being able to sit outside on the porch swing again. I am drenched in sweat, covered in vomit feeling like I am being poisoned and have the worst hangover in the world. I’m picturing actually being able to SEE that contagious beautiful laughter that I can often hear from up in my bed. I’m imagining our family at the park and the dogs running, I’m seeing myself being able to stand. I’m in some of the worst pain of my life my whole body is on fire…my brain misfiring and sending my nerves the wrong messages. It feels like I am caught on fire and the pain is imaginable. I want to die…I don’t think I can go through this. I can’t control my thoughts anymore, the pain has totally taken over. I am sure this is it, and that I am dying…and if I’m not I’m almost wishing I was. I don’t want to live through this misery anymore…see Johnny’s face in my mind and keep pushing through. I tell myself that Johnny needs him mommy and that is how I push through. 65+ days of this hell.

I have been seeing a lot of specialists and haven’t been in an ambulance in over a week…so we are making progress but it’s still very difficult. It’s amazing what we take for granted. I can’t tell you what I would give just to be able to sit upright in a chair like you are probably doing while reading this. One day I will get there. I can honestly tell you now that I am blessed, I am lucky to be alive and I have a lot to be grateful for. I really believe that the best medication is hope and that life is not about what happens to us but rather about how we react in those situations. That doesn’t mean that you walk around in rose colored glasses and pretend that everything is ok when it’s not…but it means that you try. As little kids we are taught to keep trying and to never give up but as adults we throw our arms up in the simplest of situations and walk away. It doesn’t mean that I am going to be happy about the misery I am going through, it’s doesn’t mean that I am not going to be jealous at times or crushed that I can’t be with my son and husband…but it means that I will try everyday to do what I can. That’s all any of us can do anyways, right?

Day 43 of hell

2010-09-05T14:47:00.001-07:00

Hello-

I realize that it has been 3 weeks since I last posted and I feel really bad that I have not been able to update and have worried so many people. I am really sick. Really, really, really sick. I have been through A LOT in my life and I have never been as sick as I am now. This is day 43 of being in the hospital or bed ridden. What I have experienced I can only describe as pure hell and I honestly cannot believe that I have survived a lot of those moments. 43 days in bed, 6 911 calls, 38 needle pokes, 27 different medications and a ton of days spent in the ER. I am now at home on oxygen, with a heart monitor and need a wheel chair just to get me into the hospital/appointments.

Yesterday we went to the hospital for more blood work and to see one of my specialists and I was too sick to sit in the wheelchair. The afternoon was better and I was able to at least write. I never thought that I would be too sick to get online...not have enough energy to read emails or be in too much pain to text message. (Note, I have not checked any emails pertaining to blogging in 4 weeks and it will be awhile before I do so). Now it's taken me 3 days to write this post.

I am in severe pain and my hands are numb. I'm legally blind in my left eye from all of this and hoping it's not permanent. My body is burning and when I was in the sunlight from the house to the car/car to ER I was screaming because it felt like I was on fire. Kinda like a vampire but without all the cool sparkling...just pure hell. Misery. My body has been through more than anyone I have ever met before all this happened and the past 43 days have been the hardest of my entire life. Everything from neurological problems, to relentless nausea vomiting, headaches, numbness, tingling, burning, nerve pain, low temperatures, fevers, chills, blurred vision, pain...lots and lots of pain. I have orthostatic intolerance...so even just getting to a sitting position my heart rate soars. If I am upright for a longer period of time like going to the hospital I start to get very lightheaded, nauseated, sweating, my pulses are weak, heart is racing and I am about to pass out. I am working on building strength, but even lifting my legs in bed is a challenge.

I can't even begin to explain the emotional toll being in bed takes on your mind. Most of you know I was on bedrest most of my pregnancy...but it sure is different now being a mom and not being able to do anything. I feel helpless. Hopeful. Jealous. Very jealous of everyone who is able to go about their business. I have never been one to take life for granted, but now even more I realize how much we all really do take for granted. Just waking to the fridge, being healthy enough to pick your child up to change his diaper, being able to walk outside, drive a car, function...

The doctors still do not know what is causing all of this, but we are waiting on more test results. If I don't make more progress/and or we get a diagnosis we will be going to the Mayo Clinic. I am completely out of commission and I want my life back.

It's heartbreaking to hear my son cry in his room and not be able to get him. Have him beg for me to get out of bed to play, and have to tell him that I cannot. I can't explain how hard it has been on me not being able to care for him at all...I can't even take care of myself. We have had to hire help to take care of me and Johnny and have had family put their lives on hold to help us out. I have always been a tough cookie and have pushed through anything and everything that has come my way in life...and I am doing the same now. I am getting breaks mainly in the afternoon when I feel crappy instead of awful, and I am thankful for those times. I had about 1 1/2 weeks that were the worst of my entire life. Think back to a time when you were really sick and you thought, "oh, I am SO sick, I just want to die...this is awful." I usually don't get there. I always tell myself...it could be worse and it will get better. However, there have been so many times were I just didn't think I could possibly survive through the night.

I don't even know what to really say right now...but that I am here and I am sorry for not writing. It takes so much energy to get online and many days I was too sick to even watch TV. These days are better, but I am still going through a hell that I cannot believe.

Tuesday is our anniversary and I cannot put into words how much I love my husband and how proud I am of him keeping our family together. Not only is he exhausted, overworked, stressed but we got some really upsetting news on Saturday as well that is turning our lives upside down even more. We just will take this all one day at a time and hope for the best.

Some of these days I just slept 17-18 hours a day. Now, I am up for about 2 hours before the debilitating exhaustion sinks in...but I am finding it harder and harder to sleep. I am a wreck and it is taking everything in me to keep it together. Being able to see Johnny even if it's only 15 minutes on a particular day keeps me going. All the love and support from everyone has helped immensely...we have gotten so much support it's just incredible.

It's just frustrating. You think you go to the hospital and they fix you. They are trained to fix you, but they haven't been able to fix me. I keep hoping that one doctor in these dozens that I have met will be my Dr. House...but I'm just passed on to the next doctor. At this point, I don't care what it is I just want someone to care enough to figure out WHAT is going on.

Prayers needed!

2010-08-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I haven't been on my blog since my last post, conjuring up the energy to do anything is really hard. I just want to sleep...all the time. I am home from the hospital and although I am not as horribly sick as I was, I am still very ill. John took me to the ER at 1am the night before to confirm what I thought was going on...a blood clot in my left arm. It doesn't end. I am exhausted, in pain, uncomfortable, sore, lonely, anxious, sleepy, dissapointed, confused, hopeful, nauseated, and weak.

I have so many stories and maybe I will even blog about them while stuck here in bed. Everything from an ambulance literally taking me 100 feet to the hospital (that bill will sting). To having a heart episode, pressing the nurse button and having medical staff come in...GASP and run out. NO one helped me, it was one of the scariest experiences in my life and why I will never ever go back to the ER. To having my mom's brand new car egged when we left the hospital, to the frustration of so many unanswered questions. It has been an ordeal to say the least.

I have been totally overwhelmed with all the love and support. I am REALLY bad at asking for help but am trying to be better especially now that I have Johnny. Not being able to take care of him has been a big component of my depressed mood. I hate that I am sick and cannot even tuck him in at night. I have been beyond emotional. Friends have offered a zillion meals and I was so hesitant and my friend Gina just basically told me it was happening. Our neighorhood is bringing three meals + a toddler meal every night for the next couple weeks. Johnny goes to daycare a couple hours a week and they have taken him on full time for next week. Either my parents or John's parents have been watching Johnny and/or taking care of me every minute. The cards, the flowers, the care packages, emails, texts...everything has been lifting my spirits.

Three ambulance rides, 5 ER visits and a long hospital stay on a high risk floor is going to be outrageously expensive. Our friends and family have even come to together to figure out how to help us out with that. I am not sure how much it is all going to cost but at this point I would imagine it's up to $60,OOO dollars and we just need to see how much insurance will cover.

I am still a mystery and they released me from the hospital with higher white blood count than I had the day before---but still not too high. They were convinced I had all these scary aliments and that caused me a lot of anxiety. They have ruled out a lot, but frustrating that they don't still understand it all. I really appreciate so many blogger's trying to diagnois me and help me. I am pretty much open to anything and everything at this point, so here goes:

I have pneumonia and was coughing up blood and all the horrible things were ruled out. I need the nebulizer breathing treatments, but had adverse cardiac reactions to all of the treatments they attempted to give me. I have had 4 chest x-rays, three cat scans and a high resolution cat scan.

My thyroid levels are out of whack, but not enough to medicate.

My blood pressure went dangerously high and paramedics couldn't not get pulse. Since then blood pressure has been fine but heart rate just random really high sinus tachycardia...even when sleeping.

Oxygen all over the place.

I have thrush and am hoping a lot of my symptoms are from the Candida

Blood clot left arm.

Extreme sinus pressure that comes and goes...sinuses are congested but no infection.

They were convinced I had an adrenal tumor, but I was tested for that last year. My pituitary was under active so I will get an MRI when I am feeling a tad better.

Never had a fever with any of this, but I get really flushed and feel cold and shake.

Night sweats, painful joints, exhaustion, coughing, burns when I breathe sometimes, nausea, vomiting, occasional headache, bad sinus pressure, blocked Eustachian tubes, negative ear pressure, extreme thirst and urination.

I am really hoping that I just was getting over that sinus infection that wasn't treated for so long...then had pneumonia for awhile not realizing it. That my tubes are blocked and most of these other symptoms are from all these medications mainly the antibiotics and the Candida. So many of you without medical problems have told me stories about spending WEEKS in bed with pneumonia. Maybe my heart just freaked out being so sick and dealing with all of this and I am just pretty darn sick and need to rest and will get better soon.

I feel so silly writing out my symptoms, but enough people asked/emailed I actually thought it was a good idea. You never know who can help you sometimes.

Still in the hospital

2010-08-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

I'm still in the hospital, but I finally have my laptop here with me. The term "hot mess" doesn't even begin to describe how I have been. I was taken by ambulance twice and then to the hospital again before things took a turn for the worse and I was admitted. Being high risk + cardiac + a whole slew of random and confusing symptoms has made things a mess. Basically, if I walked more than 15 feet I would either collapse or feel like I was going to pass out. Paramedics could not get a pulse on me and my blood pressure was out of control. I am now on a telemetry floor and am in good hands but not feeling well at all. I haven't coughed up blood for couple hours, but I just feel ill.

I am having adverse reactions to all the breathing medications they are giving me and I need them. My mind is foggy, I'm in pain, I'm frustrated and lonely. My white cell count went up today and I got very discouraged. My boys can't come because they both have little colds and I am so susceptible right now. Doctors don't want me to have visitors for the same reasons. I have pneumonia, but I have so many other troubling symptoms that the doctor cannot pinpoint and it is making everyone uneasy.

It's not like I am just sick and not getting better. I am sick and they don't fully understand what else is going on. You expect to go to the hospital and these doctors find out what is wrong and make you better. I have been researching stuff online myself, doctors, nurses, techs, and other staff here have been throwing out ideas and everyone is working towards some answers for me.

I am scared, really scared. When the ambulance first came and three of the paramedics tried to find my pulse and couldn't it was really hard to compose myself. Johnny was climbing all over me and they kept swooping him up and taking him away. I just grabbed the guy's hand and said, "please just make me better, that little guy needs his mama." I just want to be better, need to be better. I am so sad how many times Johnny has seen mommy go away in an ambulance. Sounds pretty dramatic, but being that sick and no one being able to find your pulse is also pretty dramatic.

I miss Johnny so much it hurts. I have been away from him for less 30 hours before and it has been a week since I have been able to take care of him and days since I have seen him. Makes me so sad that I can't be with my little man. I miss that cute little smile and hearing that sweet laughing. I miss him SO much...I just have to be strong and get better for him.

Keep Calm and...

2010-07-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

I have wanted one of these posters for SUCH a long time and was really happy to get one for this review. (I got mine in "Parisian Blue" and it's just adorable). Have I mentioned how much I love this blogging gig? KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON is a really cute etsy store with something for everyone. They originally started with their first store which carried the "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON" posters in every shade you could imagine. Then they spiced things up by changing the sayings to adpat to all sorts of personailities. I especially love these:

You can also find them with a cup o' java at http://www.etsy.com/shop/coffeeshop or more vintage inspired posters and prints at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/pixiepixels

Each poster is made with "premium acid free, archival paper and high quality, and fade resistant ink." With 100% positive feedback, they ship your poster in a very secure container to ensure that it comes to you in perfect condition.

Here's a little bit about Melinda, the adorable store owner:
"My name is Melinda and art has always been a huge part of my life but I didn't know what an impact it would have on my life and others until I met my husband. While working as a graphic artist I had an opportunity to find a wonderful man who was not currently pursuing graphic design but had a college degree in the field. After he proposed to me in an art gallery, by painting "Will you marry me?" We have been great friends and business partners ever since. We combined our skills to create KEEP CALM SHOP along with our other etsy shops."

Want to win one? Two lucky readers will get to have their own 13'' X 19'' poster!

How to enter:

1~MANDATORY: Head over to KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON and comment below about which poster is your favorite. For the mandatory entry you must include your selection and the name of one of the 30 colors. I also must have a way to contact you back.

Additional Entries:

2~Follow this blog

3~Tweet about this giveaway (as many times as you would like, leave link)

4~Comment below about an item you like from one of their other etsy sites

Contest ends on 8/8/10. Winners will be announced on twitter and both winners will be contacted by email.

Free Hugs

2010-07-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

Hugs are the universal medicine. ~Author Unknown

I am just loving this movement...

"Sometimes, a hug is all what we need.

Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.

In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.

As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER! After all, If you can reach just one person" Free Hugs Campaign

Freaking Pneumonia!

2010-07-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

I had a really spiffy giveaway for today but instead you get sick Jewel's. Story of my life, with a side of sarcasm. I have freaking pneumonia and I feel like crap. (More to come of this later, but a picture for today will do....)

Anyhow, yesterday I was constantly doing the "woe is me" thing and feeling sorry for myself. I felt like crap and a whole much of other dramatic stuff. (Blah, Blah). Today I just need to kick her ass.

Luckily, I have entered the new age and finally got an iphone. I'm in love. This phone has kept me sane while stuck in bed. My Words with Friends has gotten more play than any boxes of Scrabble at a senior living center. I've mastered the angry birds and did you know that "qi" is a word?

Well, one of my best friends posted this on facebook today and I just had to share it to complete this random post.

I LOVED this article so much...and I wish I had read it sooner. At the same time, I can tell you that while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off most of the day...I always make time for my friends. Even if you just send a one sentence email, it's still something. People need to realize that being a parent is a 24/7 job, no vacation, no clocking out or calling in when you are sick. At the same time, being a parent doesn't mean you are somehow more entitled just because maybe you grew a human. Being a friend is about being there sometimes when it's least convenient. Then again, I can't tell you how many people in my life I wish would read this article.

Love Affair with Etsy

2010-07-23T05:44:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps! Hope everyone had a nice week:) It's Friday, I'm in love. This week was tough on numerous levels so I am so excited that it is Friday.

Have I mentioned my love affair with Etsy? I have decided that instead of just doing reviews/giveaways with big companies that I am going to do more stuff with Etsy. I love creative minds, skilled hands and things made with love...which just describes Etsy in a nutshell! I am always so giddy when a new package from blogging arrives and this week was no exception. John over at MySilverbell sent me these two awesome products:

Don't you just love them? Two of my favorite things are flowers and candles...so it was like Christmas in July over at my house. These two pieces are even more beautiful in person, and I love how unique they are. I have already gotten a ton of compliments on the vase that is now on the island in our kitchen. They are made very well and look just stunning. I am beyond thrilled and they both came in the mail in lightening speed. Did I mention that they are both under $20.00?!

Head on over to MySilverBell

No amount of super glue...

2010-07-21T08:14:00.001-07:00

When I drove down the long road to the house I pictured us bundled up in those ridiculous layers marching like sumo wrestlers up the snowy sidewalks. We kept blowing the air to see our breath fog and giggled with delight. Up and up we went until we reached the top, placed our sleds down on that crystal layer of sparkling snow and away we went. I always had you in my lap, my arms tightly around your waist...I was always protecting my little brother. Down we went with the wind blowing in our eyes, the snow tickling our noses as we screamed with that rush.

I pulled up to the house telling myself that I was fine that this was going to be just like any other normal day with the family. Except it was anything but normal...it was your birthday only you aren't here to celebrate it anymore. As hard and I tried to push it all further and further into my mind the more the emotions kept tugging at me. Inside the house, your pictures are everywhere. I try to tell myself that this house looks different...this is where my parents live. But, to me...this house is where I become who I am...and who I am was also molded by you. Now your gone...but everything else is still there. The stair case you used to slide down, the kitchen table where you sat with me every night, the yard, the playhouse, the garden, the apple trees, your bed, your room.

Mother and I went through some old photo albums on Monday and a lot of pictures made us laugh...we had so many great times. They were all pictures I had seen before, but I still enjoyed looking at them. I pulled out a tattered old book and opened it up to see her pregnant...with you. I stood next to her lifting my shirt trying to stick out my belly. (I guess I have always wanted to have that pregnant belly). Pictures of your first moments on earth, Mother holding you so close and smiling. It's funny how clear your memories can be sometimes when you are so young. I remember when you were born, I remembering touching you for the first time...you were my little brother and I was your big sister. I protected you your entire life, until I no longer could.

We went to see Brandon Riley and took Johnny to the Carousel of Happiness up in the mountains. When we were in there Daddy said, "Come on Brandon, let's go..." I turned out faster than I ever have moved in my life for that split second I actually thought I was going to see you. It was so hard hearing him say that name and it not being you. At that point no matter how hard I tried to be happy and cheerful and make it just another day...it wasn't. It was your birthday and you weren't there. It's easy for other people to not understand why it's a big deal...but it is. I lost my baby brother and no matter how many years go by, nothing can change that fact. Seeing my mother having to bury her baby will NEVER get easier to stomach. I looked at her yesterday and I knew that all the super glue in the world would never fix how broken she is. I tried to be strong for her...I really did. I don't blame you, and I have come to accept what you felt you had to do...but that won't stop me from missing you. I stayed up most of night..I just couldn't sleep...wishing that things could have been, would have been, should have been different. Then, letting myself realize that if I stayed up a million years I could never change anything....so I slept. I slept and I didn't dream of you. I hope you are at peace. I hope you are happy. I hope you know how much you were loved and are loved...

Tomorrow would have been your birthday...

2010-07-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

(Long rambling post for what would have been my brother's birthday...we miss you Brandon. I thought about trimming down this entry...but this post is really for me above all else, so I kept it just as it is. It's about life, love and letting go....)

It's always ironic to me how sometimes in life it's the smallest moments that can change us the most. A small dot on the vast canvas of life, seemingly so insignificant can be so monumental in hindsight. Sometimes the moments brush by us gently like the breeze on a summer's night so faint that we barely feel that graceful blanket of air on our cheeks. Other times moments are so powerful they knock us off of our feet and we struggle to get up. I feel really blessed to have the most amazing friends in this world, (I promise they are awesome)

I find it interesting how the most deep and wordy conversations can be wonderful, but that sometimes just a few words can be so unforgettable. We may be told by a thousand people how beautiful we are, but yet we remember what that bully on the playground said to us in 2nd grade. We may be standing in front of the mirror in our glasses and suddenly this fragile innocent child is looking back at us. The one whose stomach hurts because a boy told her that no one would ever marry a dork in glasses. We remember something that stung, something that made our stomach turn, or something that for a fleeting moment made our heart smile.

It's hard to let go. Really. Hard. I have struggled my entire life with letting go. I even bawled hysterically at the airport when we said goodbye to the exchange student that had been staying with us. I cried when I watched La Bamba (still do)...tears dripping down my face like broken faucets. Anyhow, I thought I would spend forever trying to let my brother go...and in a way, I always will. BUT...one person has helped me actually more than anyone else could. This girl. You have heard me talk about Holly before. Look at her blog, she's insanely funny. You know she is also real and honest and blunt and caring. She tells it like it is even if it stings. She has said so many things to me that have affected me (without even knowing)...especially when it comes to letting go. I have realized yesterday that I feel free, that I am breathing easier and not wrecked with grief constantly. I have learned to let go.

So here it is...

Dear Brandon,
I'm letting you go. It's hard, but I'm doing it. Tomorrow would have been your birthday. Every year on this day it will be hard, but hopefully with every page that turns on the calendar it will get easier to say goodbye. I will always wonder who you would have become, and will feel pained that I am robbed of the moments we all could have shared. I am sorry that I couldn't save you. I wish that the pain it took to stay would have been less than the pain it took to leave. I can't help but wonder why one sibling is so in love with life to an extreme and living each moment with every ounce of my being. Having had a brother who just wanted out so badly...I wish there had been some kind of compromise. Somedays it still hurts so badly that my entire body hurts and I just wish so badly that my little brother was still alive, but most days I just shove those feelings deep inside. I get distracted and I move on, I let go, I live.

Overall, when I think about you now I laugh A LOT more than I cry.

However, John and I stayed at a hotel the other week and that was really hard. It was the first time I stayed in a hotel since your death. I didn't think it would be hard for me, but it was. I walked into the bathroom and immediately burst into tears. I felt sick and thought that I was going to throw up. All those emotions came back and I wanted to make those thoughts go away, but they kept coming back. I literally had to pee with the lights off...augh! Also, I have to drive past the hotel where you killed yourself frequently and even though I don't breakdown anymore, it's still hard. I look away hoping that will make it better, but I see the hospital across the street and it makes me wish it hadn't worked and that you were still alive...if things had been different. I picture you being rushed there and them fixing you and saving your life...and then I remember that you didn't want anyone to save your life you want to die. I have finally accepted this. I won't ever be able to understand it, but I accept it. When I get upset and wish you were here, I feel guilty now because I know I need to think about your feelings.

Anyhow, this letter is just a rambling mess. I miss you, we miss you...you are missed. I hope you are happy in the clouds. I think about you a lot and hopefully you know that. I try to think about the memories we had instead of what happened. I picture this smiling boy climbing the old tree in our backyard on a crisp fall night. The branches supporting you as you climbed your way up, so proud of how high up you could reach. I see us hiking up to our rock on the side of the mountain and looking down at the city where everyone looked like ants. We would make up stories about the people and cars below...looking at the world from up above. I wonder if you look at us, if you can see is and if we look like ants. Tomorrow would have been your birthday and I'll be taking my son up to our rock for the first time. We miss you...

Love,
Your sisssors

Big changes and a giveaway

2010-07-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

I did it, after years of Super Bowl commercials with those scandalous Go Daddy ads I have made the jump to a .com! (Unlike in those commercials though, I still managed to keep my clothing on for the most part). Anyhoo, I am far too excited about about the debut of...

http://www.ablondewalksintoablog.com

Nothing makes you feel like you are kind of a big deal like Blogger kicking your butt on the way out. ALL of my comments are GONE. ZERO. NADA. NO LOVE. SADNESS. I really hope that they transfer soon, I would be really crushed if they were gone forever.

Kelsey from Kreated By Kelsey was crazy enough to work with me to give this blog a makeover. I wanted it more simple and clean and she did a great job despite my constant questions and emails. She was very professional, incredibly efficient and very helpful. Her prices are some of the best around for blog design work...go check her out!

Oh and my email address is now ablondeinablog@gmail.com

Because I am pretty excited about all of these changes I decided to do the giveaway a day early!

$100 dollars to spafinder.com

All you have to do is leave a comment below telling me why you need to relax and be pampered. It's that easy because I think you are kind of a big deal too:)

QOTD

2010-07-14T09:00:00.001-07:00

I was asked to repost this blog today, but instead and just going to repost the link. I just love the comments on this post.

Raising Hope

2010-07-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

This looks SO funny!

That place between dream and awake...that's where I'll always love you.

2010-07-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Allergies,

I don't like you very much.

Dear Bed, I love you.

Aren't these beds cool?

Images weheartit

Super Size THIS %$#$

2010-07-08T18:55:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a happy meal...a year later. There are pictures floating around online of 4 year old burgers and frankly, they are just as disturbing. This is the crap we are not only putting in our bodies, but are FEEDING our kids. (Just so you know, I'm not saying I'm a saint...I like my french fries just as next as the next person...I just don't assume that they are one of the major food groups). Did you know that french fries are the most consumed vegetable in America? Pretty messed up huh?

We live in a country were 2 in every 3 Americas are obese. 1 in 8 Americans will DIE from obesity. We wear colorful wrist bands for every cause under the sun, we raise money and participate in Race for (insert your favorite charity)...and what is being done to stop this epidemic? It is an epidemic and it's not only killing us, it will someday kill our kids. James Baldwin said it perfectly, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." We know this is true, but yet we continue to Super Size to Super Duper Size and what's after that?

We live in a society where we hop in our cars to drive three blocks. We eat our super sized meals in front of our super sized TV screens and complain about how super sized we are. We have the greatest intentions, but yet we pass a dozen fast food joints on our way to the gym. We consume copious amounts of caffeine, don't get enough sleep, and everything around us makes it more convenient to stop taking care of ourselves.

We clean our houses, and mow our lawns and we even get home insurance on our dwellings. We take great care of our homes, yet we trash our bodies...the only body we will have have. Why? What's with the need to constantly hit that self-destruct button? We get busy, we are stressed, we don't have time, we don't have money, we don't run out of excuses. It's cheaper to buy a soda (don't even get me started on that crap) than it is to buy a bottle of water. It's cheaper to get a burger for a dollar than it is to buy something healthy.

Enough. Enough. Is. Enough.

Don't we care enough about ourselves to be nice to ourselves? Aren't there enough medical problems in this world that can make us ill or kill us that we don't need to do it to ourselves? Here's the thing...this post is not just obesity but being unhealthy in general. Don't have the motivation to change? It should be about YOU! About wanting to be healthy for you, but if that's not motivation enough...get it from someone else. Do it for your dog, your mom, the hottie at park, the love of your life. If you are a parent...don't you want to be alive to see your children walk down the aisle? That alone should be more motivation than ANYTHING in the world. I can give you a million reasons...I could super size my reasons bigger than all the burgers in the whole wide world. Seriously, life is pretty awesome and I want you to be around to live it with me.

Do we ever REALLY grow up?

2010-07-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

"After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here's what I've decided. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in." Grey's Anatomy

I recently was helping a friend who was struggling with taking things too personally. I was telling her how much thicker my skin had become and realized while helping her how far I have come. A few days later I found myself really crushed over something so trivial. I know that I have screwed up with friendships in my life (haven't we all?). BUT...I really try to be a good friend, and a better person everyday. I care. I care deeply. I reach out to people when no one else is there for them. I am a good friend dammit! So, why did I get so hurt over not being invited? Seriously, there are so many more things to get upset about in this world. How stupid is it to get worked up over one little get together?

At first I just tried to brush it off my shoulder. Then the inner monologue started... Maybe it was planned at the last minute. No, she doesn't do things last minute. Why didn't they invite us? Did I say something wrong? Do they not like us? OMG, they don't like us, that must be it. Why don't like they like us. People like me right? Oh Johnny would have had so much fun. What if his feelings got hurt? Jewels, he is freaking 2 years old he has no clue he wasn't invited. Nope, it's me. I'm the one that is sad...why do I feel like a little kid?!

So, I went on with my day doing adult things and acting like and adult. (Or so I thought) this feeling kept nagging at me, tugging saying, "Hello, I'm still here and I'm still freaking upset and I want to throw a tantrum." 7 hours later it was still bothering me. I talked to a friend about it who responded, "you have more friends than anyone I know why would this bother you?" It did, it really did bother me and it got me thinking about adulthood. Do we ever fully grow up? We spill beer instead of milk, we cling to our spouses during a scary movie, we wear our favorite shirt for comfort...we feel raw and unpredictable emotions just like we used to. Suddenly I felt like this was some eff'ed up version of a bad high school movie and we weren't invited to the biggest party of the year. For a moment this party seemed like the last party on earth and I was getting pretty darn dramatic.

It's interesting sometimes to see how something so trivial can conjure up so many profound emotions. REJECTION. Ouch, it hurts just saying that word doesn't it? Yep, it hurts. We hurt and we move on...because that's what adults do. Remember when a colorful band-aid and a an ice cream cone made everything better when we were kids? It still works:)

Delicious Ambiguity

2010-07-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

I almost said, "Happy Friday" this morning. I don't have any clue what day it is...I think it's still June right? Remember when I said that the internet is a thing and not a place? I think 890 unread emails in my inbox proves that I took that statement to the extreme. I'm behind and I'm not in the mood (yet) to catch up. I am SO excited for one of my favorite holidays EVER! I'm ready for splashing and laughing and screaming, "God Bless the USA" at the top of my lungs. I hope everyone has a great weekend...go out and LIVE.

Little Fockers!

2010-06-30T07:03:00.002-07:00

I love these movies!

Delicate Soles

2010-06-28T08:23:00.001-07:00

"You put high heels on and you change." Manolo Blahnik

I think it's pretty safe to say that I was born in heels and almost never take them off. I puffy heart any heels, and it's amazing how a woman's entire attitude changes once she slips on a pair of those bad boys. Confidence sometimes soars from zero to sixty in 3 seconds (pretty darn impressive). BUT somewhere in-between singing "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun" at the top of our lungs and dancing like there is no tomorrow our feet beg to call it a night long before we run out of sparkle. So...

Dear Toes, meet Delicate Soles:) Yep, that's right...these super cute+sexy rollable flats that fit in ANY purse. They are SO comfortable that you feel like you don't even have them on. They also come with a LBB (Little Black Bag) so you can easily carry your heels too. My favorite are the Starlight Silver shoes which I am wearing RIGHT now. Not only will your "soles" by happy, but your "soul" will smile too because when you buy a pair a portion of the proceeds go to Share Your Soles! (I know right?!) Yep, you wear cute shoes and you will be helping children in impoverished countries to get shoes on their cute little toes! These shoes are also proof that you don't need a pair of sky high stilettos to feel sexy. Women ARE sexy, barefoot, high heels, flats or anything else that goes on our feet!

So, do you want to win a pair?

Head on over to Delicate Soles and comment below letting us know which ones you would love to have. (By the way, I think Delicate Soles wins for BEST website for their customer base EVER! Finally a company who really "gets it!") MANDATORY ENTRY

Additional ways to win:

Follow Delicate Soles on Twitter
Tweet Tweet about this giveaway (as many times as you want, one entry per tweet)
Fan or like them on facebook
Follow this blog

Good luck...contest ends July 7th

QOTD Friday!

2010-06-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

Diary of the Blonde Recessionista Part Deux

2010-06-24T05:53:00.000-07:00

Summertime to me equals wearing cute dresses almost everyday! Check out my threads...

$14.50

$22.80

$2.50

$13.50

$24.80

Even better...I used a gift card and only paid $17.55 for all of them:)

Porch Swing Review and Giveaway!

2010-06-22T05:53:00.000-07:00

Oh la la, I think this is one of my favorite giveaways. You all know how much I frickin' LOVE summer nights. For as long as I can remember I have wanted a swing for my porch. You know how when you were a little girl (if you are a girl) and you pictured that picket white fence and prince charming to sweep you off your feet to take you to that castle? I pictured wearing matching Bronco jersey's for Monday Night Football. I pictured being a mommy and having the dogs barking and the kids screaming. I pictured camping out under the stars...and a porch swing on my porch. Hayneedle.com sent me one:)

John put it together the other night (with Johnny's help). It came very quickly and looks even better in person. The boys put it together pretty quickly and it already looks great. John wished there were more pictures in the instruction manual, but other than that putting it together was a cinch. Hayneedle is such an awesome company and they have INCREDIBLE prices. The facts:

"Swing constructed of kiln-dried Western Red Cedar
Choose between 4- and 5-foot swing lengths
Features a double-dipped, oil-stain finish for durability
Contoured seat and comfort back offer excellent support
Swing hangers have durable metal construction
Rust-resistant, high-impact ABS plastic covering
Each shock-absorbing spring link holds up to 600 lbs.
Swing-Mate design creates smooth-gliding motion."

Look how gorgeous it is:

I am so impressed with this wonderful swing and of the entire Hayneedle company.

Do you want to win one of these porch swings and swing on summer nights with me? (I will SO be swinging with 2 feet of snow outside too!)

Mandatory: Head on over the Hayneedle and comment below about another product that you would like.

Additional Entries:

Like or fan Hayneedle on facebook

Follow Hayneedle on twitter

Tweet about this giveaway 1 entry per tweet, tweet as many times as you would like

Contest ends July 1st.

The newest addition to our family and other randoms...

2010-06-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

1) Meet the newest member of our family: Our new "meow meow" Shelby. I'm outnumbered 4/1 with the guys so now I've got another princess in the house.

2) I cannot wait for this...

3) Aren't summer nights the best?

4 & 5) If I won the lottery, I think the first thing I would do is have someone ELSE make our meals. That someone could be like Bone Fish and Chipotle every single day and I guess I would just have to deal. I do everything else, I clean like a crazy woman...my house is almost always spotless. My closet is color coordinated,

I bath my son every single day, do enough laundry for a football team and yet the only thing I want to do in the kitchen is eat.

6) My favorite time of day is twilight it's those perfect little moments where the day turns off and the night comes on.

7) I find myself thinking this

a lot.

8) I have so much to say about what is going on in my life right now and feel like I can't say anything to anyone about it (yet). Coming from someone who always blabs about everything, I am finding this to be really hard. Why doesn't life come with an instruction manual?

9) Today I learned that sometimes you don't get want you want because something better might come along. Sometimes we lose that great thing. Sometimes we find that we are more grateful than we have ever been because we know somehow, some way it will all work out. And.It.Will.

2010-06-19T07:22:00.001-07:00

Please take a moment to watch this today. It's something we all should be talking about!

Misikko/Corioliss Flat Iron Giveaway/Review

2010-06-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Thursday!

So here's the deal, I love free stuff and I know you guys love free stuff too. BUT...this blonde is going to be making a couple changes. I will only be doing reviews/giveaways a maximum of 2 days a week (most likely on Thursday's and Monday's). This way, we can all find out about amazing products but I can still stick to my bloggy roots and blab about who knows what. Deal? Ok...now on to do the free stuff!

I am NOT one of those women who can get out of the shower, comb out her hair, slide on a pair of sassy silltetoes and look like a Pantene commercial. Nope, not me. That's why whoever invited the flat iron needs a big hug and a kiss. The nice people at Misikko sent me the BEST flat iron on the face of the earth. People, meet the Corioliss Classic Pro Flat Iron...

First of all, it came in the cutest packaging...it felt like a black and white Tiffany's! This iron is super sleek, with 1'' ceramic plates that heat up in 6 seconds. I love that it has an adjustable temperature from 140°F to 410°F - great for all hair types. It was incredibly easy to use and cut down the time it takes my hair to go from frizzy to smooth in 1/2. I'm lovin' it:)

Misikko also has great blow dryers including the T3 Tourmaline Evolution Dryer which will SO be on my Christmas list this year! Oh and I forgot to mention that they sell Chi products at great prices!

Want to win a Corioliss Classic Pro Flat Iron?

Mandatory: Pop on over to Misikko and comment below letting us know what other product you would like to have. (1 entry)

Additional entries: (1 entry each unless noted)

Follow Misikko on Twitter

Blog about the giveaway on a personal website

Post about this giveaway on facebook

Join Misikko Newsletter (3 entries)

Giveaway is open to US and Canada and will end 6/28/10

Piece of work mom #3

2010-06-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Oh watch out ~~over-active uterus~~ Octo-Mom and the super star Mommy who let her baby almost get run over by a bus...there is a new mom in town and she trumps you all!

Meet Sarah Burge aka "Human Barbie" a woman who has spent a half a million dollars on comestic procedures. (Possibly she should consider getting a "common sense" implant next time!) A mom who owns a sex shop in England who keeps her daughter fit by POLE dancing. Did I mention that her daughter is 7 years old!? Oh yeah, and the same mom who gives her 15 year old daughter BOTOX because she is worried about having wrinkles!

Let me start by saying something here people! Pole dancing is the biggest workout craze right now and I don't doubt for one second what a great workout it is. My issue is that this 7 year old girl is learning to pole dance from her piece of work/hot mess mom who owns a swinger/strip club.

From the mom of the year:

''I am keeping Poppy healthy and happy, and if in the future she wants to be a real pole dancer, who am I to stop her?'' Um, who are you? Her freaking mother! You are the one to stop her from skanking it out!

"Poppy wants to be like pop star Miley Cyrus, who also dances on a pole." Wonderful. That's. Just. Lovely. Another great role model sorry but Hannah Montana took the "best of both world's a little too the extreme." Being a teenager and learning about your sexuality is one thing. Giving a lap dance, bumping and grinding with your manager is a whole other thing.

"There is no harm in a child having dreams. I'd rather her be healthy and ambitious than sitting in front of the TV all day getting fat like most children." Most kids have dreams of becoming a doctor, Dora the Explorer or even a unicorn. I'm ok with children being delusional about their dreams. Not ok with a 7 year old's biggest ambition in life to have flawless execution with all of her dismounts. However, I do have to agree with her that I would rather have my child healthy instead of sitting around watching TV all day. That is why we have two legs so we can move. Why bikes were created and playgrounds...all places you go fully clothed.

"There are no pedophiles while she's pole dancing, there's no risk." No risk?! I'm sorry lady, but men (or women) are NOT looking at the the POLE they are watching the person on the pole. If your daughter was a gymnast that would be one thing. Doing this in a business establishment where people come to watch women STRIP and engage in sexual relations (wow I sounded like my mom there) that is another thing. Everything about your business pertains to sex!

This little girl already wants a boob job...oh and her daddy supports all of the above.

Blogarazzi Round 2:) Come play!

2010-06-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone had so much fun with this blog that I am going to play round 2 with you all! If you haven't seen the "Blogger/Celeb Look-a-Like" post click on the link. I loved showing off my blogging friends and we really gave those celebs a run for their money.

Wanna play? Here's how:

Email me at survivorjewels@gmail.com, in the subject line please put your blog URL. Send me a JPG of yourself, leave your name and the title of your blog. I will gladly help you find celeb match, but it would be great if you would help me out. If someone has said you resembled a celebrity or you just know you do. If you send any pictures of celebs, if at all possible let me know where you got your photo.

I will accept entries for the next two weeks.

For you, yes you.

2010-06-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

Bags/Purses/Totes Galore!

2010-06-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

I don't think you can ever have enough bags. Hopefully you are using fun bags instead of wasting plastic bags at the grocery store right? Bags for shopping, a cute purse, a diaper bag, a backpack for Johnny...it never ends. I figure with this much stuff to carry, we should carry it in style. I was really happy to receive bags from Simply-Bags which is a great online store with some really cute bags. They specialize in monogrammed totes and bags and have everything from sorority bags, to bridal totes to diaper bags. I love my bags:

I think that these bridal bags could make such cute gifts for so many of my friends who are getting hitched soon! Johnny has always wanted a backpack and I just love how cute it is! Wine totes are such a great thing to have...if you don't have one just getting one can make you want to go have a picnic in the park! I also LOVE this beach bag, even though we are so far from the beach, I use ours all the time. I love how it is monogrammed and it is very durable...I tested it out after Johnny climbed into it. I also take it to the grocery store and stuff it to the brim! I think these bags are adorable, but what I loved most is that they are monogrammed and you can customize them with anything that would like. Most monogrammed items are very expensive but these are INCREDIBLY affordable!

Come check them out here!

Need a wish!

2010-06-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Weekend bloggy peeps! I am almost always very open about pretty much everything in my life...until now. I just kind of closed myself off to everyone while some things have been going on in my life. It's not to intentionally withdraw, or to hurt anyone's feelings or to be secretive for any reason other than my own thoughts. Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? Have you ever been on the edge of something so incredible and feeling no fear at all it take the leap? Yep, that is pretty much where I am at. Normally I would be writing down every single detail and details about those details...but for now nothing. To anyone. Because. Kind of a hard thing to do when I just feel like I am going to burst with emotions about the possibilities. So for now...I just need to make a big wish. What does a girl need to do to make a wish? Do we blow out our birthday candles? Should we look for shooting stars, or wish on the first one we see? Should we pray and hope or wait until 11:11 on the clock? I've even looking up the Magic 8 ball on google...just because I needed something more...(craziness you see!!)

So tonight, I am just going to "be". Be here in this moment. Be happy. Be here. (Here with my fingers and toes crossed.)

Images weheartit.com

What makes you feel sexy? Yandy.com

2010-06-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

Hey bloggy peeps, how are we doing this evening?! Do you feel beautiful, pretty today? What about sexy? Maybe you had a long week at work and could only gather the energy to throw on those old sweats. (How freaking crazy was this week?) Or possibly you have a little baby in your house who commands all your time? (Oh my gosh, Johnny was full on TERRIBLE two's this week!) I think that sometimes in life we get so busy that we forget to take care of ourselves. There is never not enough time...sometimes it only takes a few minutes for us to feel sexy. You see, if you FEEL sexy or confident you will come off as sexy and confident. Amazing how that works and it is so simple. Even if you don't have "time" to be the version of sexy you want, sometimes it's not about what you see on the outside that makes the difference. If you are wearing a sexy bra or lingerie, sometime that makes all the difference. Even if only you see it, you know it's there and no matter what threads you are wearing over it...you can feel sexy.

When Yandy.com first contacted me I was hesitant to do a review with them. I hated how I was feeling. Why was I even thinking about telling them no!? I was going against everything that I believed in and was thinking about what other people might think. If I would lose a sponsor or offended someone. Then I remembered why I started blogging...for myself. No one else and this is me...take it or leave it. It makes me so sad to see when people let themselves go, especially moms. Freaking A people, don't let yourselves go! Us women, we have superpowers and we are beautiful creatures. We should feel pretty and sexy and wonderful EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sure, there may be a few things at yandy that I might personally not buy...but OMG they have some AMAZING products.

Like swimsuits--I LOVE these two that I got this week from them:

This one is REVERSIBLE! How awesome is that? It can be pink one day and brown the next. Two for the price of one! I cannot tell you how much prettier I felt in this than the "mommy suit" that I wore last time I was at the pool.

Or this one? This is my favorite swimsuit that I have ever owned and I wish I could wear it all summer. Maybe I should go move to Bora Bora and just wear pretty, cute, fun sexy swimsuits all day!

Oh and I am LOVING these:

Check out some of their Halloween costumes: (I wish I had them, I love Halloween!)

Thank you Yandy for reminding me that I should be proud that I feel sexy even when life is crazy and hectic. I am not embarrassed at all to post this, I am so glad that I had the opportunity to work with them and help other women to feel better about themselves. I am glad that I haven't let myself "go" and that I try everyday to feel good about myself and carry myself with confidence:)

What do you wear to feel sexy?

These are a few of my favorite things...Product Highlight

2010-06-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

Blogging perks rock, and Lifeguard Press has made me feel like a blogosphere VIP with all their great products. My friends just laugh when they see all the packages we get from companies and they sure got giddy when they saw the packages from Lifegaurd! I love EVERYTHING especially some of the Lily Pulitizer products that I have gotten! Check, check, check it out...

(I have to do a couple posts about it in the future because there were so much amazing product in those boxes!)

Fistful of Glitter: How I feel in images...

2010-06-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

Images from weheartit.com

Flirty Aprons Review/Giveaway

2010-06-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have been lusting over these adorable flirty aprons over at Flirty Aprons for some time now! What could inspire you more you get in the kitchen than great food and a flirty apron? My husband is hoping that now that I have mine that it will provoke me to increase my hours in the kitchen:)

They have such adorable aprons for women, men and children too! Flirty Aprons was created by two incredible couples with a passion for business (and apparently for cuisine fashion too). They ship orders within 24 hours and have been rated as the leader in the most desired aprons in the market! I just adore them. I got this cute little number and it was even cuter in person:

This was my next favorite, but heck...all of them are adorable!

Click here to buy one!

Want to win one:

Mandatory entry: Head over to Flirty Aprons and comment below letting us know which apron you would love to have! (One entry)

Became a fan of Flirty Aprons on facebook (2 entries)

Follow them on twitter! (1 entry)

Tweet about this giveaway (2 entries per tweet)

Good Luck! Contest Ends 6/20

"One person CAN make a difference, and everyone could try."

2010-06-07T05:31:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday morning as soon as my eyes open I am jumping up to get online and check out the new PostSecrets. This Sunday was no exception and as I scrolled down I came across a card that made my heart sink. It wasn't just the card, but the responses...

(Image from PostSecret.com)

Someone set up a facebook group in response to this card and I immediately joined and posted a comment. I was taken back within an hour there were 1,OOO more people. Strangers. People. Someone.

Reading the comments on this facebook wall really got to me. I was so touched that SO many people like me cared enough to reach out. That there are other people who actually act and try to make a difference. People who get out of their own little bubbles and feel for someone besides themselves. Go, take a look it is absolutely amazing.

(Comments closed...instead of posting prehaps you could post a message on the facebook wall?)

Edit* When I joined there were barely 1,000 people. This morning there are over 18,000...Wow!)

TRIA Blue Light Review Giveaway $495 Value!

2010-06-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

It's my party and I'll do a giveaway if I want to, a giveaway if I want to, you would do it to if happened to you. (My new lyrics to Leslie Gore's great song!) I wanted to wait...and now that my birthday is tomorrow, I am here to give gifts away! This is a huge giveaway...enjoy!

I get asked to try a lot of cool products, but I have to say this was one of the coolest products I have ever come across! Introducing TRIA Clarifying Blue Light, pretty much MAGIC in a box. I have to say that I was VERY skeptical about their claims.

"The TRIA Skin Clarifying System has been proven to clear acne breakouts and blemishes faster than any other leading acne treatment available in stores, online or even from a doctor."

That's a pretty bold statement, and...it's true. Basically, this kit is a three step process that clears, treats and nourishes your face to super pretty in just a couple minutes a day. It uses blue light therapy (yep, the same type you get at the dermatologist!) but at home in your PJ's! I wish I had this product in high school!

Ok, so you are wondering what do I have to do to get clearer skin? It's super easy, anyone can do it!

Step 1-You wash your face with their Cleansing Foam to get your face uber clean for the blue light to work it's magic.

Step 2-You use the ~~magic wand~~ Clarifying Blue Light which "heals existing breakouts and eliminates the bacteria that cause them. This revolutionary technology targets the causes of acne without any of the harsh side effects typical of other acne treatments."

Step 3-Apply the Rebuilding Complex which makes your skin feel like a million bucks!

TRIA tells you that you will notice a difference in 7 days, or your money back. I tried this product for a whole month before I wrote my review. LOVE it. LOVE it. LOVE it. Did I mention that I loved it? It's really easy to use, and I am telling you it works.

Click HERE and you can get the Be Clear Starter Kit for $395...that's a $495 value!

Win it!

Mandatory Entry: Tell us why you want a TRIA Be Clear Starter Kit (1 entry)

Tweet about this giveaway (as many times as you would like...comment separately for each tweet, 1 entry per tweet)

Become a fan or like TRIA on facebook (3 entries)

Follow Publicly (1 entry)

Follow me on twitter (I know, I know..I need to actually use twitter! (1 entry)

Follow TRIA on twitter (3 entries)

Good luck! Contest ends 6/15/10...I must have a way to contact you and HAVE to complete the mandatory entry to be eligible.

Eye Candy....you are welcome:)

2010-06-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true that I would rather sit outside ANY DAY than watch TV...but there sure are some reasons why I will miss TV this summer! Don't worry people, I am here to save the day and give you some of that yummy eye candy you may be missing out on:

You are welcome, you are very welcome people:)

P.S. Dexter, please come back soon. You had us at the first drop of blood and this has been the 2nd longest 9 months of my life. How many more months do we have until the show is back on? AUGH

Get Ballooned!

2010-06-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

(The Quote of the day is posted in the blog below this morning)

I love balloons, and let me tell you about the balloons that Johnny had at his party. I found this AMAZING company called Get Ballooned! Go ahead and click on their site, I'll wait....

Cool huh? I sure thought so, and when I found out about their daughter the "Twister Kid"...I knew we needed to have her at the party!

All the ~~adults~~ kids at the party wanted her to make them something special. The kids were giggling with laughter with their cool temporary tattoos and fun balloon creations. I was sporting a super classy Pamela Anderson barb wire tattoo with my princess crown-good times! It was so much fun having her at the party and we can't wait to see her at our friends parties soon!

Her mom made these AMAZING Thomas the Train balloons and a couple weeks later the Thomas balloons are still floating:) This company has excellent customer service and they are so incredibly creative. Instead of sending flowers....why not have a wonderful balloon creation delivered?

They even make CANDY bouquets! I cannot say enough good things about this company and we look forward to ordering from them in the future!

QOTD:

2010-06-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

Life is good!

2010-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

I LIKE people who: Put their carts away at the grocery store, give more than they take, love animals, write thank you notes, actually read your emails, are in love with love.

The best therapy is: driving in my car with the windows rolled down and the radio up. A second close would be couch time with one of my girlfriends.

I am so OVER: Feeling dizzy so much of the day from the medications that help my ticker...but they are working like nothing before, so I just grin and smile:)

I am so excited for: Shhh...it's a secret!

This is how I feel about getting older: INCREDIBLE. My birthday is Saturday and I every year older I get the more I embrace it. When I am old and wrinkly I will be PROUD of those LINES AND WRINKLES because it will remind me of all those years of LAUGHTER that created those lines!

Today I am: Grateful. Incredibly, 100% grateful..."I'm here I'm dancing on the ground!"

Here's today's Quote of the Day...it's the screen saver on my computer. What's your screen saver a picture of?

Guest Blogger! Kristin from BonBone Rose Girls

2010-05-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

When I asked Juliana to write a little something for my blog, BonBon Rose Girls, as part of our May tribute to mamas, I was super psyched when she suggested that we trade blogs for a day instead. I've been a long time reader and fan of this lovely lady and I couldn't be more honored that she trusted her readers to me!

I know that most of you are fellow mommies and, just like myself, you've probably fallen into the frumpy mommy trap a time or two. Sometimes it's hard to throw on little more than sweats when you have to run errands while wrangling wiggly bambinos at the same time. You don't have to live like this ladies! A simply solution is what I often refer to as my summer uniform...A sundress, sandals and a piece of statement jewelry are three simple things that will leave you comfortable yet looking completely pulled together!

I recently finished reading an amazing book called, Didn't' I Feed You Yesterday? by Laura Bennett of Project Runway fame. One of my favorite parts of the book is when she discusses why we mamas should take pride in our appearance. She's a mother of 6, 5 being boys...so you know how harried she must be. Despite having to run after all those munchkins, she makes it a priority to take care of herself.

Do I think it's realistic to get dolled up every minute of the day? Of course not. In fact, I sit here typing away in my trusty old lounge wear...but it would take me but a minute to throw on a little dress, some pretty earrings and a pair of jazzed up flip flops!

Etsy shop Friedasofie

Old Navy

Havianas at Figleaves

So, why not take a cue from the fabulous Ms. Bennett and "dress like you want it or stay home"? I do think brand new mamas get a free pass however. When you're barely sleeping for more than a couple hours at a time, if you're lucky, lookin' pretty is usually the last thing on your mind. HA!

Jump! Jump! Jump Around!

2010-05-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Thursday Everyone! I still have to tell you guys about the party we had for Johnny. It was pretty much a big deal if you ask me:) We had tons of fun and one of the coolest things was that almost the entire party was sponsored via my lovely bloggy blog!

One of hits of the party was this:

Awesome huh? This great dalmatian bounce castle came from the amazing guys at Mile High Party Jumps. The BEST bouncy castle rental place in Colorado BY far. Not only do they have great prices and stellar customer service to match, but they have the coolest castles. We got this super cute dog his cute face could be seen from my second story! I wish I could have seen my neighbors faces when they woke up in the morning and saw that outside their windows:)

So...for one low price, you get to bouncy your tush off for 8 hours and the price includes delivery and pick up! How cool is that? I want one for MY birthday now. Seriously, the adults that day had as much fun as the kiddos. After Johnny's party I invited all the neighborhood kids over and they had the time of their lives playing in there. It was the hit of the party and the best idea I could have come up with. I recommend this company to anyone and everyone and I have SO many friends who were at the party that want to book with Mile High Parties for their kid's parties! (Keep in mind though, that they book for adult parties too!) How fun would it be to have an adult only party with a bouncy house?!

Call them today to book the giggles for your party!

What a piece of work!

2010-05-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

Move over Octomom with your overactive uterus...there is a new mom in "town" and she makes you look like the world's best mom. I couldn't freaking believe when I saw this video on the news the other night. I totally overreacted like I usually do and just HAD to post about it.

Then I saw her with her sister on The Today Show...that's when I just about lost it. The sister explained that the girls (the baby and her little sister) were getting ready for bed a little after 12am. There are so many things wrong with that statement. Last I checked a 14 month of baby cannot get herself ready for bed!! Note to this mother...MOST mother's with children that age have their kids go to bed at a normal hour. They were saying it was an "accident that could have happened to any mom." WHAT??!!?

Accidents with children are like..
"Oops, Cindy pooped her pants."
"Yep, he tried to stick it up his nose."
"He tried to eat a bar of soap."

ETC...you know, the normal things that happen when you have small children. Dear Mom of the Year...while you were watching TV and being a stellar parent "watching" your child she managed to go play with cars! This kid, went out of the house, through the front screen door, down the walkway, across the sidewalk, over the grass and into the street. Sounds like you just took your eyes off of her for an ~~hour~~ second. I am just so glad that this little girl is ok.

So, explain to me again why 2nd graders have TESTS and GRADES to pass their classes. Explain to me why you have to have a license to operate a moving vehicle...but don't have to have one to raise a human being?

AUGH!

The house the built me...

2010-05-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

(Image weheartit)

Sometimes a song will speak more than any words we could come up with on our own. This is one of them for me...

I have spent a lot of time with family and relatives in town the past two weeks. I love my parents house in Boulder and this song makes me tear up every single time. I guess it's important also to remember that a home is not defined simply by the walls that surround us, but rather by the people inside. Still, I will always have a very special connection with the house that built me...

(Me on my parents porch)

I'm BACK...and spreading some good Karma!

2010-05-20T08:51:00.001-07:00

Hey blogosphere! Happy Thursday morning...did you miss me? I sure have missed you! I have been completely and utterly MIA...but I am back. It's going to be a pretty big ,and I have a lot to catch up on! But, today I want to share yesandyes.org with you. Meet Sarah a rocking blogger who I came across when I found out about Karma Cards! We could all use a little good karma right? Well, I saw these cards and then read this on Sarah's blog...

"Friends, imagine for a moment that it's a cold and overcast Friday night. You've had a tough week at work, those damn Lean Cuisines are neither delicious nor effective, your roommate is PMSing and your cat threw up in your bed. You're taking solace in aisles of Barnes and Noble and pick up a copy What Should I Do With My Life?

From between its pages falls a tiny card with the above image. Wouldn't you just about weep? Wouldn't you get all "Universe! I heart you!"

So! In an effort to bring a bit of joy and fun and good karma into the world, I am so, so, so excited to introduce you to Yes and Yes's newest brain child - The Karma Card. There are five different cards, each with a message meant to inspire/encourage/light a fire under your derriere."

Awesomeness. Kind of like Frank Warren's PostSecrets, but with the intentions of spreading POSITIVITY (could I love this any more than I do? Nope!)

"They're printed by a fantastic local, independent print shop here in St. Paul on gorgeous 100 pound paper. I will send them to you in an envelope smothered with kisses. Or hearts and stars."

Giveaway: Sarah and I are kind of like Oprah..."you get a CARd, you get a CARd..."

Anyhoo-you will be getting 15 of these awesome cards and I am going to be getting some too!

All you have to do is a leave a comment below telling us where YOU would be leaving a card to make someone's day!

Etsy Jewelry: A Willow's Nest Giveaway

2010-05-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

I just adore Etsy stores and the little shop "A Willows Nest" is simply adorable. I was delighted when I received the most precious earrings in the mail. I have worn my earrings so many times and have gotten a ton of compliments on them. Her work is absolutely flawless and I was more than impressed. The designer is just so incredibly talented and she really puts time and love into creating each piece. Here's a little blurb about her:

"I find inspiration in my love for nature, flowers, butterfly's, art, fashion and all things pretty. I love gemstones and learning the healing properties of each stone, and the beauty and variations in colors."

Yes, yes she does! In fact, she will even create a custom order for serious buyers. How cool is etsy that you can have a piece of jewelry custom designed just for you?!

Of course my camera completely freezes when I want to highlight the piece she made for me. GRR...but here are some other incredible things she has made:

What little princess wouldn't look adorable in this headband?

Want to win something incredible from this great etsy shop?

Just go to A Willows Nest and comment below about which piece you would love to have!

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

2010-05-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

He turns the corner giggling with pure delight, running with reckless abandon. In his arms, he carries half a dozen trains; they are cradled in a tight embrace. Loved. Those trains are loved. His big brown eyes filled with wonder and excitement. He twirls around the living room, spinning faster and faster as the trains go flying…a flash of color. Life, his life, my life…time

I look at that little boy and close my eyes so tight it hurts and I am dizzy with a flood of memories of the past two years. Suddenly, I am pushing…drenched in sweat and trying to push a freaking human being out. The nurses are scrambling and the doctor has a panicked look on his face. Please, please let this baby be ok. Nine months of hell to bring this child into the world, please just let him be ok. Dizzy…they are literally running me into the operating room. Dizzy…the sound of his cry…life..his life, my life. He is born, and my life will never be the same. Then, there, in that moment pure happiness as though every time my heart had smiled before was all placed into one bursting beautiful moment. A mother, his mother…I am a mommy.

He is home with me, snuggled into my chest sleeping. His little body is engulfed in preemie clothing at 2 months old. I am holding my son, still in disbelief that I am actually a mom. Sleep deprived, delirious, giddy, tired, happy…and this is what it feels like to be a mom. It’s the best feeling I have ever felt.

It’s the dead of winter and snow is falling, creating a blanket of sparkling diamonds outside my window. Johnny has been crying all day and nothing I can do will help his colicky cries. I am alone with him almost every waking minute and in this moment I am feeling helpless. These babies don’t come with instruction manuals, extra batteries or problem solving tips. I am expected to know how to make everything better all the time and give all of me. I am feeling like a failure. I pick him up as he screams into my ear and kiss him. All I can do is love him and know that this will pass. So, I love him more than I ever have and suddenly I am recharged.

We are sitting on the floor in his room, the walls are surrounded in joyful giggles. He is standing up, holding onto his daddy with all of his might and then he letting go. He is standing here smiling, standing alone...he steps towards me. He is ready to conquer the world and although I am grinning from ear to ear I am not ready to let him go. Then he is walking, then running, his clothing getting smaller, his feet bigger. Energy. Boundless energy.

He doesn’t realize that I am leaving when I drop him off at school. I am left standing there watching all the little kids swarm around him. He is standing there in a fireman’s hat with a purse, smiling. The world is falling in love with his smile. I turn to leave hoping that he will not change before I pick him up; knowing full well that I will never be the same. I realize that I am a mommy. His mommy.

You start saying words like, “excavator” “cucumber” “elephant” and “beautiful”. Not a single day goes by when you don’t amaze me or take my breath away. You started telling me, “No Mommy, I do it.” I have to let go as you grab onto to everything and grow. It’s all bittersweet, wanting watch you turn into this little person and wanting to cling on to that little baby.

Happy 2^nd birthday to my favorite person in this whole wide world! Mommy loves you like a fat kid loves cake. Thank you for being my “Disney” and making every day the best place on earth. You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me. You deserve the world and beyond….so have you cake and eat it too.

“A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that's a magic number.” School House Rock

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

2010-05-13T12:35:00.001-07:00

It’s the dead of winter and snow is falling, creating a blanket of sparkling diamonds outside my window. Johnny has been crying all day and nothing I can do will help his colicky cries. I am alone with him almost every waking minute and in this moment I am feeling helpless. These babies don’t come with instruction manuals, extra batteries or problem solving tips. I am expected to know how to make everything better all the time and give all of me. I am feeling like a failure. I pick him up as he screamed into my ear and kiss him. All I can do is love him and know that this will pass. So, I love him more than I ever have and suddenly I am recharged.

We are sitting on the floor in his room, the walls are surrounded in joyful giggles. He is standing up holding onto his daddy with all of his might and then he letting go. He is standing here smiling, standing alone...he steps towards me. He is ready to conquer the world and although I am grinning from ear to ear I am not ready to let him go. Then he is walking, then running, his clothing getting smaller, his feet bigger. Energy. Boundless energy.

“A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that's a magic number.” School House Rock

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

2010-05-13T12:32:00.001-07:00

I look at that little boy and close my eyes so tight it hurts and I am dizzy with a flood of memories of the past two years. Suddenly, I am pushing…drenched in sweat and trying to push a freaking human being out. The nurses are scrambling and the doctor has a panicked look on his face. Please, please let this baby be ok. Nine months of hell to bring this child into the world, please just let him be ok. Dizzy…they are literally running me into the operating room. Dizzy…the sound of his cry…life..his life, my life. He is born, and my life will never be the same. Then, there in that moment pure happiness as though every time my heart had smiled before was all placed into one bursting beautiful moment. A mother, his mother…I am a mommy.

It’s the dead of winter and snow is falling, creating a blanket of sparkling diamonds outside my window. Johnny has been crying all day and nothing I can do will help his colicky cries. I am alone with him almost every waking minute and in this moment I am feeling helpless. These babies don’t come with instruction manuals, extra batteries or problem solving tips. I am expected to know how to make everything better all the time and give all of me and I am feeling like a failure. I pick him up as he screamed into my ear and kiss him. All I can do is love him and know that this will pass. So, I love him more than I ever have and suddenly I am recharged.

“A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that's a magic number.” School House Rock

I believe...QOTD

2010-05-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

Image from weheartit
Comments closed today.

Stiletto Baby!

2010-05-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

What is a Stiletto Award???

There are thousands of blogs, and there are hundreds of awards. The Stiletto Award is a little different than most!

First, to understand, let us understand the Stiletto… some words that describe it…

Classy – Strong -Exotic – Demure – Extreme – Ultra – Sexy - Bold – Funky

“Walking in extremely high heels is not something that the average woman (or man) will need to do in their everyday life.
However, there are times when this skill may be required.”

AND… what is a “blogger”? According to Dictionary.com the official definition is:

Blogger: One who writes entries in, adds material to, or maintains a weblog

However, I think there is a LOT more to it than that. My definition of a blogger…

Blogger: A strong, confident woman who has a full life. Because of the nature of her existence, she seeks connection and companionship with others who understand and wish to support her. She gains strength and courage from the experiences of these woman and shares her story in return. Through the “blog world” she develops relationships with women she would otherwise never meet and builds a community of cherished friends with whom she shares her life, experiences, challenges, failures, triumphs, goals, family and so much more! She IS Classy, Strong, Exotic, Demure, Extreme, Ultra, Sexy, Bold and Funky!

“To walk gracefully in high heels, take short steps, as opposed to long strides, and come down in a heel-toe, heel-toe motion.”

Hence, the Stiletto Award…For Excellence in Blogging!

I want to salute the women who balance life, family & relationships with style & class! Those women who share their experiences with us…who encourage us, inspire us, teach us, make us laugh and basically keep us going! You know who they are! While you read this blog, your family is looking at you wondering what the heck you are laughing about so hard…or why the tissue is necessary for internet browsing. It’s the one that the kids are excited about cuz a new post means a new craft project or family outing. The one that inspires you to be a better mom, friend, person in general. The one that reminds you that we are all “in this life together” and you’re not the only one going through the hard stuff. The one that you secretly wish your blog was like…

“It is good to get into the habit of doing the warm-up and cool-down exercises every time you wear them.”

If you’ve received this award, someone out there thinks you deserve it! Be proud! Display the badge with honor! You earned it…after all it means that you brought something special to at least one other person, and really, isn’t that what life’s all about????

“Under no circumstances drive a car with your heels on. Not only do you have less control over the car, but it will damage your shoes – and they aren’t cheap at this height. Keep spare shoes in the car for driving, or have someone drive you.”

THE RULES!

This blog is meant to be shared, to be given out, to be bestowed upon any and ALL women who exemplify what the stiletto represents. If you’ve received this award, here’s what you do:

1. Display your Stiletto Badge of Honor on your sidebar! Wear it with pride...oops, I didn't do that...but you see it here!

“Heels this high are not meant for clubbing or walking long distances in. They are mainly used for getting from the living room to the bedroom, from the car to the restaurant, or for a short stroll along the catwalk.”

2. BRAG ABOUT IT! -write a post about your award. Include the link to this page so everyone will understand what it’s all about! http://bit.ly/thestilettoaward
3. SAY THANKS! - include a link to the friend who nominated you for the award.
4. SHARE THE LOVE! -nominate 5-10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. Include links to them in your post -and- leave them a comment to let them know they are nominated.
5. DO WHAT YOU DO! -keep at it. Keep inspiring and encouraging and sharing your life! We love it and we thank you!!!

I am always looking for new amazing blogs and if you don't follow these guys, you are missing out. These are some of my favorite blogger's and most of them are very close friends:)

So here are my nominations:
1~Mayra at Life is Bananas
2~Melissa at So What I Said About
3~Kristin and Megan at Bon Bon Rose
4~Teresa at Blooming on Bainbridge
5~Ashley at As a Matter of...Opinion
6~ Kelsey at The Seattle Smith's
7~Sarah at She's A Shortcake
8~Holly at What Was I Saying Again?
9~Taylor at The Undomestic Momma
10~Liz at It's Unbeweavable!

I See Me! Review/Giveaway

2010-05-10T07:43:00.000-07:00

I was thrilled to partner up with one of my favorite company's for children of ALL TIME! It's called I See Me! They have personalized children's products and specialize in the cutest books in the world. You may have seen their products in People magazine or perhaps on the Fox & Friends show. Or if you were friends with Courtney Cox, Brooke Shields, Jessica Alba and Marley Shelton you may come across these books during a play date!

Thanks to I See Me, if you come to our house you will see Johnny's book on our coffee table. We read a lot over in the King household, and this is by far my favorite book for children. I seriously would love to have every single book that they sell, and I think it is the PERFECT gift! They sent us the book, "Who Loves Johnny?" which truly could not be any cuter! Click here to view a virtual tour of the book. (How cool is that? Yep, you can view an entire book before you purchase it!) From their website, "Written in melodious rhyme, with colorful, whimsical illustrations, Who Loves Me? names family members and friends who love the child, and encourages the child to reach to the sky when asked "how much" of one of them loves him or her."

In our book we doubled up names and even included our dogs names! I See Me's goal with this book is to promote self-esteem in children and to make sure every child knows just how much they are loved. I cannot think of any book that could do that more. I cannot say enough good things about this book or this company. We had a little glitch with the pluralization of my book because we were communicating through email rather than the form that customers would normally use. It worked out perfectly, because I got to experience their customer service which was just phenomenal. They were extremely efficient, helpful and caring. I work with a lot of companies with my blog and it is very evident that this company truly cares about making a child smile more than anything else. I am in L-O-V-E with them and am sure you all will be too!

Check out their awards!

So, not only did I get an amazing book for Johnny, but we are also going to give a customized book to one of you!

Giveaway:

Mandatory Entry~Go to I See Me and comment below about which book you would love to have (1 entry)

Additional Entries:

1-Comment below telling me which page of the book I got Johnny is your favorite (5 entries)

2-Tweet about Giveaway as many times as you want (2 entries per tweet)

3-Follow this blog (1 entry)

Giveaway will close on May 20th! Good Luck

Not All SuperHeroes Wear Capes!

2010-05-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

Someone recently inferred that I don't have a job. As I am sure you all know, I get worked up very easily (sometimes for no reason at all). This is different. I was hurt, angry, frustrated, annoyed, unappreciated, misunderstood and sad. I wasn't even thinking about my blog which I consider as a "job" and sure as heck put enough time and effort into it and all the PR stuff. No, I was talking about being a MOM. The first blog post that I ever posted on blondeinablog ended with, "I'm growing a human, what did you do today?" If that's not impressive, I don't know what is. But, to be a mom, you don't have to give birth or have a biological child! Women are born and live their lives as women, but to be a mom...now that is truly something. I think that mother's are everyday heroes.

Maybe blogging isn't enough compensation for us to live off of....but Johnny is enough for me. I made sacrifices to stay home with my son and it was a decision I made. This is not about mommy wars-who works out of the home or in the home. It's about being a mom. The hardest job you will ever love and I love it more than anything else in my life. Do I get dressed up with a briefcase and head out to the office everyday? No. I don't clock out, or go on lunch....I clocked in the moment that I heard his first cry. I don't get to sleep in on my "days off" because there are none. When I am so sick I feel like I can't get out of bed, I don't pick up the phone to call in "sick." I walk down the hallway and say good morning to my son with the biggest smile I can manage and give him 100%.

(I have this on the wall in Johnny's room)

I work 24 hours a day 7 days a week, with no vacation time. However, my compensation beats anything any company could offer. Hugs, kisses and the experience of watching the human that I created turn into a little person. My world is filled with that precious pitter patter of little feet running around in circles. The walls of my house are filled with his delightful giggle and the most contagious laughter in all of babydom. I get to stare into these big wide, brown eyes knowing that I am the most important person in the world to this little boy. Motherhood is hard, really, really hard. You want to be everything and do everything at once and there is only so much and there is only one of you. I can tell you that I exhaust myself every single day chasing after him, being patient when I want to pull my hair out, and being the best mom I possibly can be. Being a Mommy is my job and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...

$85 Hapari Swimsuit Giveaway/Review

2010-05-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, I saw this lady in an amazing tankini at the pool and I just had to ask her where she got it, "Hapari" she told me. Of course, I had heard of Hapari because I know so many wonderful bloggers who have posted about their products before. I was honored when Hapari contacted me to do a review/giveaway on my blog.

This is the one that I picked out:

(Don't you just love it?)

This tankini is called the "Girl's Night Out" Bling Butterfly Tankini (what a great name for an adorable top!) This "Butterfly Tankini has tropical flowers and designs of orange, brown, yellow, green and shiny pink foil on a white background accented with brown and white polka dot neck ties." All of there Tankini's can be worn THREE different ways. I am still choosing between three different bottoms with the same patterned as the one shown in the picture. They sell a tummy tuck bottom, regular and hot shorts. I guess I will have time to decide when I see what all of you would like to get! Hapari is an incredible company and they sell everything from Tankinis to bikinis to men's trunks. They have a full line for juniors and even offer mastectomy suits which I think is just wonderful!

To buy click here

To win an $85 gift card to Hapari:

One mandatory entry--Go to Hapari and comment below telling us what you would get with your gift card if you won this giveaway! (1 entry)

Additional Entries:

Become a fan of Hapari on facebook (2 entries)

Become a fan of Hapari on twitter (1 entry)

Tweet about this giveaway as many times as you want (2 entries per tweet)

Follow this blog (1 entry)

Good Luck! Giveaway ends on 5/13

Rambling Thoughts by Moi

2010-05-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Quiet reflection really soothes the soul.

I've learned that sometimes no matter how badly you want something or how many ways you try to get it...that somethings are just not meant to be. It's a hard pill to swallow, but you just have to refocus and have faith that there will be another plan.

That so many people in life do not feel compassion or empathy for things unless they are directly effected by it.

Nothing in this world makes me feel better than hearing Johnny's laughter. Nothing.

When you look back on the bad times, they rarely ever seem as bad as they were. But, when you look back on the good times in your life, they seem even better than they were.

Having a vacation before kids meant staying up late and sleeping in. It meant light luggage and countless free hours. Lounging by the pool reading a gossip mag, and sippin' drinks with umbrella's. Coming back rested, with an awesome tan and lots of crazy stories.

Having a vacation with a child means going to bed earlier than you want because you know you have to wake up at the crack of dawn. Covering your child is SPF 2,OOO so they don't get burned and keeping them from self destructing while they run around the pool. Downing water because you are chasing them on the beach and passing by people with Corona's tanning. It means changing their clothing twice as much as you did at home. Realizing you read 1 page of your book on the plane while your child threw a tantrum for almost 4 1/2 hours.

This vacation also means seeing Johnny act like he won the lottery when he saw the airplanes at the airport. Having my son tell me that I was pretty when I reluctantly put on my swimsuit. It meant being annoyed that every car ride was him naming every single piece of transportation that we passed. It also meant being incredibly proud when our relatives were blown away that he could say all those words. It meant watching my child being surrounded by so much love from such a huge family. It meant seeing him having the time of his life and realizing that my vacations now actually have a purpose beyond relaxation for myself.

Books are the ambrosia of life. I just finished, "Firefly Lane" SUCH a great book!

That sometimes when you finally break down your walls and confide in a good friend with something that was deeply personal it may not stay with her. Sometimes people you barely know will have more than a glimpse into your personal life. Even though it feels like an invasion, sometimes you just need to let things go. It makes you want to close up and build that wall back up, but don't. There will always be someone else who you CAN confide in. Pick your battles.

Relationships can be tough, but at one point you need to remind yourself of why you are where you are and what it will take to get back to where you once were. It may surprise you how incredibly easy it is to get back if you try.

I learned that not following my doctors advice for once and actually enjoying a glass of wine was absolutely wonderful.

It's better to sing off key, then not to sing at all.

Grudges are poison. The only antidote is to let them go.

A car ride with the windows down and the music up is really great therapy, not to mention cheaper.

Xtreme Lashes!

2010-05-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday!

I have to say that my favorite part of blogging is being able to just write and connect with so many incredible people. BUT, my second favorite part is all the blogging perks! Being able to review so many great products and services and actually turn this bloggy blog into being my job. Who would have ever thought I could get paid to blog, or get products/services to review/giveaway. I feel pretty blessed!

So, last week I had XtremeLashes put on by the eye-amazingly talented Christy Malles at The Purple Flower!
Check out these before and afters:

(I can't believe I just posted pictures without makeup on eek! But, seriously look at those eye-mazing lashes! I have not worn mascara since I got them on, and why would I with lashes like that??!)

So, you are probably wondering..."how the heck do they do that?" Here's how:

I walked into The Purple Flower which is Denver's only Xtreme Lashes specialty salon and was immediately impressed. I seriously could not shut up about Christy, her salon or Xtreme Lashes since I got mine done! Getting the lashes on was totally painless and I probably would have just fallen asleep if I had not been talking Christy's head off. Christy was incredibly gentle and very professional, she truly is a pro at what she does and I was exceptionally impressed with her. I had very thin, short lashes and I would never be caught dead without eye makeup on. After she was done working her magic, I had LONG LUSH THICK lashes!! I cannot believe that I have gone this long without them and am just smitten with them. I can't tell you how many compliments I have gotten by friends and family. Christy applies individual lashes to a single lash on your face which makes the lashes look more like your own. I thought that she did a phenomenal job and I would recommend her to anyone. I get a lot of emails from mom blogger's talking about how they don't have time to get dolled up while they are running ragged all day. With these lashes, you literally can just roll out of bed and have amazing eyes without even entering the bathroom! How cool is that?

I also got some of the great products by Xtreme Lashes to take home and extend the life of these beautiful lashes!

~Xtreme Makeup Remover and Facial Cleanser-It's a 90% natural Aloe Vera based cleasner that makes your skin feel silky smooth while gently cleaning your lashes. It removes your makeup with coconut derivatives, and brightens your eyes with cucumber calm.

~Xtreme Protective Coating-This stuff can extend the life of your lashes up to 1-2 weeks if used properly which is amazing. It not only blocks oils, makeup and dirt but it also contours and holds your curled lashes in place. I LOVE this stuff!

~Lint Free Extreme Applicators-These are used to help you gently clean your eyelashes and keep them clean and pretty! I am so glad that I got these, because it makes cleaning my lashes and makeup removal much easier.

~Deluxe Retractable Wand-If your new lashes don't already make you feel like a princess, this beautiful gold "wand" will! You can primp those lashes with this wand to make them look even more fabulous!

~Xtreme Length Mascara-I was SURE that I could not live without mascara, but once I got my lashes I realized that I did not need it. But, if I were going out for a big event this would be what I would use. It is water-resistant without flakes or clumps and conditions your lashes at the same time.

~The Award-Winning GlideLiner Eye Pencil~This is a great gel pencil that does not contain oils in other eyeliner that can shorter the life of your lashes. It comes in six different shades, is really easy to apply and stays on all day. I have it in black and cannot live without it!

Check out Christy's wesbite at The Purple Flower Spa
You can also view more pictures on her facebook fan page

To make an appointment with Christy please call: 303-905-7423 or email her at info@purpleflowerspa.com

If you do not live in Colorado and would like to find a Lash Stylist in your area click here

Thank you Christy for making my experience at your salon so wonderful and for my amazing lashes!

A couple pictures...

2010-04-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of pictures from Florida and me with my first glass of wine since LAST year's trip. (With no heart problems from drinking it I might add:)) Walked outside this morning to snow and Johnny just cried, I thought about doing the same. Today was one heck of a day and I can't help but dream of those sandy beaches!

I'm back!

2010-04-29T07:03:00.002-07:00

(Pardon the lack of SPACES on this blog, blogger is not my friend this morning)

I often wish more people viewed the world with the same excitement that I do. I don’t necessarily mean those grand moments that we tend to think shape our lives, but the ones that are so small most of us just glance by them. Those little ones, the itty bitty ones…THOSE are the ones that really should matter. We are so geared towards wanting more and NEEDING to get the next thrill. We spend so much time anticipating those big life changing experiences that we brush by all these amazing moments every single day.

I get this feeling even more whenever I am on vacation. ~~Santa~~ Mimi and Pop Pop flew us down to Naples, Florida the past ten days. An. Escape. From. Reality. The moment the plane landed I was filled with excitement and even though it was pouring cats and dogs outside, I knew this was going to be fun. It was an escape from some of the hassles, the stress of the last year, and even from some of the things that we cherish at home…just a break from it all. I didn’t know where my phone was half of the time.

Every time I see the ocean, it is as though I am seeing it for a the first time. Do you remember the first time you saw the ocean? I do. I saw it again for the first time last week. It’s amazing, when you think about it. Those fluffy champagne bubbles on the edge of this vast majestic turquoise, kissing the toes and the soles of your feet. The sound of the waves, and the water swishing below your body, the shells tickling your toes…

I always thought of shells as the ocean’s gift to us, everyday new ones coming to shore. Kind of like a party favor:) Ok, I am realizing this if pretty cheesy, but it’s true. Or think about the sunset…we have all seen in more times than we can count, but most of us don’t even realize that it is happening. We are too busy with dinner and bills, kids screaming, or who might get kicked off American Idol. The truth is, I think watching the sunset is better than any show a television could offer. (I know, I know there are a couple shows that may come close…but still!) My point of this rambling nonsense is that most of us get too busy to notice the little things in life. To STOP and just BE.

I wrote that jumbled mess while in Florida before we came back home. Now that I think about it myself I really hope that I STOP and just take some time to BE today....

Since I am SO behind on blogs, tell me what I missed while I was gone....

Some beach, Somewhere

2010-04-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

Hey guys-
Sorry I have been MIA...John's parents flew us to the beach as our Christmas gift! I only have very limited access (dial up) so I have not been able to visit other blogs. Hope everyone is having a great week.

Here is a funny video (for us ladies!)....

Don't forget to enter the Arbonne giveaway below! It is SUCH a great company!!!!

Arbonne Review/Giveaway

2010-04-17T21:06:00.001-07:00

Ashley has one of my favorite blogs, she is an AMAZING friend and an Arbonne consultant. We have partnered together to bring you this absolutely incredible review/giveaway. I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical about the results of these products, even though I trust Ashley. Now that I have used them for two weeks I can honestly say that the results are BETTER than I could have ever imagined.

Let's start with the RE9 Advanced line which is probably one of the best beauty regime's I have ever tried. It's pretty much like magic in a bottle! These products show results in 24 hours! Yes, you read that right, 24 hours to more beautiful skin!

Step 1~Smoothing Facial Cleanser- It's a creme cleanser that smooths and renews skin and it smells so heavenly!

Step 2 Regenerating Toner-Makes your face feel cleaner than ever with vitamins A, C and E to regenerate skin tone and firmness.

Step 3~ Intensive Renewal Serum-this stuff is nothing short of amazing. It's a "powerful blend of clinically proven, collagen-supporting ingredients that visibly firm and lift skin, while diminishing the appearance of fine lines." I noticed a difference after just using it for 2 days!

Step 4~ Corrective Eye Creme- This stuff reduces puffiness, lightens dark circles and supports collagen...can it get any better?

Step 5~Restorative Day Creme SPF 50-This is an amazing moisturizer with powerful SPF which we ALL need.

Step 6~Night Repair Creme-I LOVE this stuff! It's super hydrating and has a blend of botanicals and vitamin C which repairs skin and really gives the term "beauty sleep" real meaning.

My skin feels and looks a million times better after trying this line of products and I cannot wait to get my hands on more of it. Learn more about Arbonne here, it is an amazing company that uses only the best botanical products to give you safe, pure and benefical products.

I asked Ashley about how to achieve that "dewy" look that all of tinsel town has. You know that look that brings you from the 90's to today--almost like you are translucent? She sent me not only the RE9 to help achieve this look, but also makeup primer and a sheer glow highlighter. I went from having a pretty matte look to that glowing look immediately and think I have a love affair with the skin highlighter now!

Whew! She also sent me the ABC Arbonne Baby Care products for Johny to try. Of course, I am in love with them all and feel much better about using these natural baby soft products on my child. There are so many products out there today that we use that are actually harmful to our skin and Arbonne puts you on the path to an all around healthier you. I cannot say enough wonderful things about this company or its products. I do a lot of reviews/giveaways with companies and this company is one that I will buy from time and time again!

So, if you want to buy any of Arbonne's great product click here

You can also use that link if you are interested in becoming an Arbonne consultant which has amazing perks!

How to win a $30 Gift Card to Arbonne:

Mandatory~

Go to Ashley's Arbonne site, click "SHOP ONLINE" and comment back on my blog about which product you would love to have!

Additional Enteries:

1~Follow Ashley's Arbonne facebook fanpage (5 entries)

2~Tweet about this giveaway as many times as you want (2 entries per tweet)

3~Blog about this giveaway (4 entries)

4~Leave a comment below stating something you learned about Arbonne (2 entries)

Giveaway will end on May 7th, winner will be notified via email. You MUST complete the mandatory entry or other entries will not be counted. I also need a way to get a hold of your pretty face, so make sure I can do that:)

Thursday Laughter and Chipotle Giveaway

2010-04-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

Elderly lady to Johnny: "Oh, you cutie pie! Are you flirting with me?"

Johnny: Yeah, firt (giggling)

Lady: "Oh, well I am WAY too old for you, old, old lady. Too old for a cutie like you. Do you know what old means?"

Johnny:" Yeah, COOOGAR!" Bahahaha! The lady was almost crying she was laughing so hard and so was I, not to mention everyone else who heard it!

Giveaway Thursday:

(By the way, take a look at the upcoming giveaways! Just turn your pretty head to the left, see em'? Pretty cool huh?)

Today's giveaway is a $50 Chipotle Gift Card!

Most of you know about my love affair with Chipotle, but did you know that they now have kid's a menu? Yep! Chipotle's Kid's Menu feature delicious kid-friendly items like quesadillas, single tacos, and build-your-won taco kit all priced under $4 including organic milk, juice or a small soda!

How to win:

1~Comment below about why should win this giveaway!

xoxoxo-Juliana

P.S. Thank you to Chipotle for being a pretty big deal.

Music is what feelings sound like...

2010-04-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Every morning I wake up singing and dancing usually to this song:

Yes, I am fully aware what the song is actually about...but how fun is the beat? Go ahead and laugh, you know that you have grooved to it as well!

Other days, I listen to this:

Go ahead and listen to it...right now. See, how can you not have an AMAZING day after listening to that!?

"After 5000 years of recorded human history, you wonder, What part of 2,000,000 sunrises doesn't a pessimist understand?" ~Robert Brault

"A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them." ~Leonard Louis Levinson

You see, we cannot control the cards that we are dealt in life...we can only control how we choose to respond. So many times in life we stare so long at the door that we feel was slammed in our face, that we don't notice all the windows that have been opened for us. You see, I am an eternal optimist...I live each day with every ounce of my being (shouldn't we all?)

I LOVE music and the walls of our house are often filled with amazing tunes. Sometimes the songs make you weep, but the majority of the time they make you want to dance like no one is watching. It's something that I do everyday....so I started thinking with everything that has been going on lately...

I didn't have to think about it long:

It is amazing how much we can connect with a song, but if I were to write a song this would have been what it would have said. Thank you Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews:)

What's yours?

One year later...

2010-04-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking for a long time about what I would write on the anniversary of my brother's suicide. I have been "blogging" in my head all these incredible thoughts for months, and now all I have are tears. Tears streaming down my face, ones that seem to never end. My heart aches so badly I don't think that there are any words on this earth that could amount to the emotions that are streaming through my body.

I told myself that I would let go. I told myself that I would not be selfish. That I would remind myself that he is no longer suffering, that this was not about me or anyone else but him. But, I am hurting and I cannot ignore this pain or feel guilty for being sad.

I can't even finish writing this because I have mascara lines running down my face, and my eyes are blurry. I just want to push this away and not feel this hurt. I just wish I could have saved him...

"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard...."

Comments Closed.

QOTD, Giveaway and Reader GONE.

2010-04-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite images that I have seen on the internet, I know I have posted it before but it rings true even more today. For all of you...

Giveaway:

Yep, it's Thursday which means giveaway day! Just a few quick things about giveaways:

1~If there is a mandatory entry for a giveaway you MUST follow the rules. There have been a handful of people who have been disqualified for not commenting the 1 mandatory rule.

2~Please be sure to check end dates on the giveaways.

Today's giveaway is totally different because it will be uniquely put together for the winner based on your blog/personality. All you have to do is comment.

How exciting huh?

P.S. My ENTIRE google reader is BLANK...GONE...a.k.a NO lovely bloggy blogs. This is not just a blonde moment, it is really gone. I have been just finding blogs again through comments here and comments on other blogs. So, if I have not been to your blog in awhile, now you know why.

oxoxoxox Jewels

Everything is going to be alright

2010-04-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Whew! Well, I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. Things happen for a reason, this I do believe. Sometimes we cannot make sense out of why things happen in life. Other times it feels as though everything is falling precisely into place. Once in awhile though, it feels like both of those things are happening at once and we are left wondering where to go from here...

OK, I will break it all down:

HUGE freaking NEWS!!! We have a surrogate! Only a very few people know and I am not going to be revealing more at this time other than she is someone who constantly restores my faith in humanity. She is a very caring person who has seriously offered for a long time to do this for us. More to come...

My appointment: I went giddy as can be, and left hysterical in tears. My blood pressure was checked twice and was through the roof. The doctor was very concerned about my frequent ambulance trips and how my heart would do with some of these medications. Told me that right now they would not even touch me:( That if I went through this process and showed up to have my eggs removed and had blood pressure that high or SVT episodes they would refuse to do the procedure. I was very upset.

The reason I was so upset is that I already feel pretty bad EVERYDAY for almost half of the day on my heart medications. I have learned to just smile and pretend everything is OK, but it is hard and upping my dose is going to make me feel a lot worse. We are going this route because it is not safe for me to carry a baby and then to think that I could not even be stable enough for them to retrieve my eggs just crushed me.

UPDATE: I spent most of yesterday talking to my lovely medical team and realizing that this will happen one way or the other. We will make adjustments and work on fixing me while we try to win the lottery so we can pay for this. If for some reason I am unable to physically do this, we will find a way to use donor eggs.

QOTD

2010-04-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:

"When we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away. There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.

Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance."

Grey's Anatomy

Comments Closed Today

Bittersweet time....

2010-03-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

So....Friday I have my appointment with this very renown fertility clinic here in Colorado to talk about my surrogacy ! This is a huge freaking deal for me and I am so excited, nervous, elated, sad, happy, confused, overwhelmed and hopeful! I will get a lot of answers at this appointment and sometime next week will be posting some big news.

I have been a bit MIA from the blogosphere and won't be on as much the next couple weeks. (April is a hard month for our family for a multitude of reasons). This upcoming weekend is Easter as you all know, and last year on Easter weekend we were forced to close down our business and my brother killed himself all in one weekend.

This year...Easter falls on a different date, so we are kind of hit with a double whammy. This first year anniversary of his death has already been hard and as each day gets closer, it just gets harder. This week has been really hard for me for other reasons as well, which I just cannot really put into words. Ok, that is a lie, I CAN put them into words but have barely talked to my best friend about it let alone anyone else. I am usually the happy and bubbly one....but I think right now I just need some time...

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."

2010-03-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not". ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hey guys, I am behind on reviews so I thought I would combine some of the beauty products in one spiffy beauty post!

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” Ashley Smith

Zeno HOT SPOT

After Johnny was born all of a sudden I started getting a few pimples and it seemed like nothing I used would make them go away. I seemed to get them once a month and they were certainly uninvited guests! The HOT SPOT works by using heat to kill of bacteria
and, "provides visible blemish clearing within just one hour and eliminates or significantly reduces 90% of blemishes within 24 hours." (Zeno website) It only takes 2 1/2 minutes per treatment, was super easy to use and really works! I only wish I had this product when I was a teenager. I strongly recommend this product and give it a 10/10!

Beyond Optic Contact Case

I have REALLY bad vision wear my contacts every waking moment. I was so happy when this cute contact case came into my hands! I have a couple different contacts that I switch between and this contact's case design helps to differentiate between them all. I LOVE this butterfly design out of all their fashion cases. The only issue with this case is that the design can wear off if it is exposed to too much liquid, so try to keep the outside of the case dry.

Too Faced Lip Injection (Plumper)

This is one of my favorite products EVER. I use this every single day and it works beautifully with no pain involved. I cannot imagine ever having any needles put in my body for any reason other than a medical necessity! That is why I use this great lip product which has cinnamon oil in it which helps give you those great "kiss me" lips. This product comes not only in clear but always in a bunch of fun tinted shades!

Strap Perfect

I was really excited when this product came in the mail! I always have these shirts with unique straps and have a large chest and need to have a bra on pretty much no matter what. For the most part this product works well, and would probably work even better if you are smaller chested. The material is a tad flimsy and after an entire night of wear this baby, it came undone. BUT...when it did work it was great.

Hollywood Fashion Tape

As I mentioned above, I have a big chest and am always self conscious especially as the weather warms up. I know they say, "if you've got it, flaunt it," but I am always constantly trying to cover up. I am so nervous that my shirt will slip down too low and that we will have a little incident. Hollywood Fashion tape too all those worries away, I just secured my dress/top and it stayed put all night. I LOVE this stuff and no wonder it works since all the celebs wear this stuff on the red carpet.

Ecotools by Alicia Silverstone

Johnny loves to take all my makeup out, draw all over his face, paint the dogs and smash it all back in the bag. Obviously, that game came to an end when my makeup started getting ruined and I really needed a new makeup bag. I love my new makeup bag designed by Alicia Silverstone for Ecotools. This bad if made of all natural materials and the floral design is printed with non-toxic inks.
Did I mention that it is simply adorable?

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." Audrey Hepburn

This thing called love....

2010-03-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

This journey we all go through on a daily basis is a chaotic, beautiful, messy, incredible, complicated and amazing cluster of moments that define us. Sometimes this journey feels like a drive in a convertible with the top down on a beautiful road in the late afternoon. You know the kind I am talking about right? The ride where the sun is shining on your face just to give you enough sunshine through the leaves that hang from these huge majestic trees. Where the breeze is soft and sweet, just enough to whisper through your hair. Other times life feels like we are on this roller coaster spiraling out of control. We try to hold on with all of our might, but sometimes we are so scared we reach for the person next to us because we are too scared to face it alone. Then sometimes...there is no one there when we reach and we fall praying that someone will be there to catch us.

Sometimes we miss someone so much that nothing we can do to distract ourselves would ever be enough. We feel guilty for all the things we did or not not say. Our hearts ache until we feel physical pain. Other times we miss someone who is the same room as us. That should not be possible, but it is. People change, life happens, we forget, we move on, we let go and we also fight with everything we've got to hold on. To hold onto what really matters.

I have always tried to live my life with every ounce of my being. To be present, to take in everything around me and find pleasure in the simplest of things. I also have worn my heart on my sleeve most of my life. One of my favorite quotes is...

"Unless it's mad, passionate, Extraordinary love, It's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life Love shouldn't be one of them." Movie: Dream for an Insomniac

I still believe that. But sometimes we get wrapped up in life and we forget. We get consumed with daily routines and babies crying, bills we cannot pay, errands that have not been run. Sometimes there are days when love does not feel like mad, passionate or extraordinary. Sometimes you go through the motions and sometimes you fight. Sometimes you get really mad.. and really, feeling lonely when you are in a room full of people is just an awful feeling. You cry, you yell, you run away....and us women, we want to be chased. You need to come after us. We do not put up walls to keep people out, we put them up to see who cares enough to take a bulldozer and knock that sucker down. Don't give us silence...silence is worse than anything. Silence brings up everything that is unsaid and makes the wounds deeper.

Some people have the type of love that many spend their entire lifetimes frantically searching for. You and me, I know with 100% certainty that we have that. But, I want and need to feel that. Pretty high expectations and I know that not every day can be like that, but most of OURS ARE. Even if things are messy...at the end of the day I want to go to sleep knowing that it was tough, but we got through it just like everything else.

Love is not complicated. All any of us really want in life is someone to love us and to have someone to love. Love really is the only reason we do most of the things we do in the grand scheme of things. So love us. Love us when we don't deserve to be loved and SAY IT. Scream it from the top of your lungs, whisper it in a quiet hush in that moment when we fall between dream and awake. We don't ask for much...we just want to be your world, or at least feel like it.

Like Anna said, "I am just a girl, standing in front of boy, asking him to love her."

Learning Resources Pretend & Play Review

2010-03-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

I mentioned earlier that I was looking forward to doing a review with CSN! They sent me (Johnny) the Learning Resources Pretend & Play Lunch Food Basket.

Really cute stuff huh? The foods look so realistic that even our dogs have been begging for them. Johnny has been toting around his basket all over the house offering everyone a "bite" of his lunch products. I am a HUGE fan of CSN and their over 2OO stores that you can shop online from. I think that they sell great products for children and are harder to find in stores. The food is made out of durable, non-toxic plastic and is perfect for any little one! The food not only is great for play, but is also a great educational tool to teach words and also healthy food choices. I washed mine as soon as they came in the mail, just like we were instructed and off Johnny went! The only problem I had was with the fake milk...when I washed it water got in the sides of the cup. Other than that, the products are close to perfect. I would strongly recommend these food baskets as well as the entire CSN collection of stores. You can buy this lunch food here

You Are Never Too Old To Wish On A Falling Star...

2010-03-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday! Here is some inspiration to start off your weekend:

Images via weheartit.com
P.S. All the giveaways are still open, don't forget to enter them as many of them are ending soon!

Poppa and I Giveaway

2010-03-24T19:32:00.001-07:00

I was so excited when Raul from Poppa and I contacted me to do a review/giveaway. I immediately was smitten with his hip clothing line. It is so difficult to find cute clothing, especially for boys in most stores. Raul's line proves that little boys and girls can have amazing style, at affordable prices! His son Ethan is one stylin' little dude ...check him out in the first shirt Raul designed:

So cute!

Johnny ripped open the package when his shirt came. He said, "Cute giraffe!" I picked it up and was amazed how baby soft the 100% cotton was and the shirt was even cuter in person! Here is Raul's son in the shirt that Johnny got! Johnny has worn his twice this week and we have gotten many compliments about it! I just LOVE it!

Here are some of the precious styles for girls:

Raul has generously offered to give 4 of the tee-shirt of your choice in this giveaway!

So....

To Buy click here

A Blonde Walks Into A Blog readers can use code: KINGBLONDE to get 25% off any order of $50 or more!
To Win:

Mandatory Entry: Head on over to Poppa and I and comment letting us know which shirt is your favorite! (1entry)

Additional entries:

Follow my blog (1 entry)

Follow Poppa and I on twitter(1 entry)

Tweet about this giveaway (up to 2 times daily, 2 entries per tweet)

Become a fan of Poppa and I on facebook (2 entries)

Giveaway ends on April 1st at 12am MST. Winners will be contacted by email as always.

oxoxo, Juliana

Dear Johnny,

2010-03-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Johnny,

It has been awhile since I last wrote you a letter, not like you are old enough to realize that I haven't been writing, but one day you will. You see, I have been busy in a marathon of movement-the beautiful chaos that comes from chasing around a human who has graced this earth for 22 months. You still have the most contagious laughter in all of babydom. That cute little pitter-patter when your little feet make music on our wooden floors, a sound someday when this house is silent I hope I will be able to conjure up in memory. You still have that smile, that same precious smile that makes everyone you meet fall in love with you. You are still hands down the most important thing in my life and the best thing I have ever done, and will ever do is be your mommy.

The other week I took you to my class and one of the women asked me where my baby was. "Right here, this is Johnny," I explained. She replied, "Oh, I thought you said you had a baby." I do have a baby..he is just growing up to be a little boy. A little boy who has captured my heart and soul in more ways that I could have ever fathomed. I'd like to think that you are still a baby, but I know better. A baby does not wrap his chubby arms around his mother and tell her she is BEAUTIFUL. A baby does not have a vocabulary over 500 words...nor does a baby suddenly wake up speaking in sentences. A baby does not spin in circles wildly with no inhibitions and make his mommy forget that there is a world outside of our living room. A baby does not get dropped off a daycare and promptly put on a fire hat and a purple purse and never look back when his mommy leaves. You did not even know I was gone. I shut the door hoping and leaned up against it catching my breath, hoping that I would pick you up unchanged. Knowing very well, that I felt like my whole world had changed. I know that seems pretty darn dramatic to you, but one day when you have kids; you too will understand.

It seems like yesterday I was looking out of the car window as we drove you home totally overwhelmed with emotions, completely sleep deprived and feeling more love than my heart could handle. What no one ever tells is what that love with feel like. How consuming it can be and how much it can hurt all at once. To see them grow up is the most spectacular thing and it happens so quickly that you are always looking back wondering how you missed it.

The terrible two's have started and although they can be challenging from time to time, I think they are terribly wonderful. I know that they won't be like this for long...

Je t'aime à la lune et retour

Just another manic Monday!

2010-03-21T21:14:00.001-07:00

QOTD:

"Love is like a Toyota...it can't be stopped." - Bill Maher

Listening to:

Wearing: White sweatpants and an Alpha Phi sweatshirt (I am an Alpha Phi and my husband is a TKE)

Eating:

Drinking: Water from my Chuy Swigg (a gift from my best friend!)

My phone is....ALWAYS making noise, (and has no internet because I am broke). We have a love/hate relationship.

The weather....reminds me of that Katy Perry song. Last week was 70 and then it snowed. We had an Easter Egg Hunt in the snow, and now my neighbors are in their bikinis and swim trucks in lawn chairs on top of a big mound of snow. I am SERIOUSLY considering snapping a picture of this insanity. (ONLY in Colorado)

The book I read....was Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. My best friend took me to her comedy show and we not only got to meet her, and have her sign our books, but she fell in love with us.

Me meeting Chelsea...

Chelsea: Hi!

Me: Hey, How are you? (Talking to her like I know her or something)

Chelsea: Good. You're pretty, talking STRAIGHT to my chest

Me: Hope you feel better

Can't you tell that we became great friends right then and there?

I am:

and now I am singing, "Just another manic Monday."
How about you?

QOTD

2010-03-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

"They take pictures of the mountain climbers at the top of the mountain. They are smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way cause who wants to remember the rest of it? We push ourselves because we have to not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level – nobody takes pictures of that, nobody wants to remember, we just want to remember the view from the top, the breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing and it’s worth the pain, that’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything."Grey's Anatomy

I wanted to jump on quickly to let you guys know that YES, I did delete my secondary blog. I am going to be incorporating the Quote of the Day (QOTD) into this blog.

Have a great weekend!

oxoxo

Jewels

Clarisonic Giveaway-CLOSED!

2010-03-18T21:09:00.001-07:00

I have been so excited about posting this giveaway! I have gushed about the amazingness (I know it is not a word, but it fits right now) that is the Clarisonic. My MIL got me one for Christmas and I have used it everyday and am still a bit giddy about it!

I will post one more giveaway tomorrow and then resume to only once weekly giveaways. However, I will give you about 10 days to come back and enter the giveaways on here or to enter more entries!

Ok, now to the good stuff! How to win:

EVERYTHING IS OPTIONAL, NO MANDATORY ENTRIES

1~Follow my blog- (1 entry)

2~Post on facebook or your blog (5 entries)

3~Tweet using my blog URL (2 entries per tweet, may tweet as many times as you would like)

3~Grab my button for you blog (5 entries)

4~Leave a comment telling me what beauty item you cannot live without (1 entry)

5~Leave me a comment below telling me what makes YOU feel beautiful...(5 entries)

oxoxoxoxo-

Jewels

Contest ends on 4/1, winner MUST have some way for me to contact them. Someone has won in the past but with no email or blog I cannot reach you peeps! Image via weheartit.com

GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED

Correction:

2010-03-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

My apologies for having the incorrect link on Amy and Adele GIVEAWAY below...the links are now fully functioning and I will keep the post up for the hours that I missed with the incorrect link.

And....get ready for some HUGE giveaways tomorrow and Saturday to wrap up giveaway week!

Amy and Adele Giveaway/Review

2010-03-18T07:11:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure how many of you still send real mail, but I sure do. Do you even know what I am talking about? Not the kind of message that beeps from your blackberry, or one that includes pixels and a keyboard. Real mail from that box outside your house, the one that used to be filled with not just bills but letters. Real mail is such a treat and I love to dress it up with cute address labels, cards and invitations oh my!

I just adore the products at Amy and Adele and was really excited to team up with them for this review/giveaway. They sent me the cutest address labels for next Christmas...I know, I tend to plan WAY ahead, but I could not resist! Look how cute these are:

We also got these super cute cards, and I customized mine to say, "JOHNNY LOVES YOU."

Everything on their entire site is simply adorable and they really do have something for everyone of all ages. They have REALLY cute shirts, invitations, calling cards, address labels, announcements, bridal/baby shower cards etc. Not only are their products amazing, but the cards came wrapped in this cute little organza sack. Oh, and one more thing, their customer service is top notch! I was so happy working with them!

To BUY click HERE

Win a $25 Gift Card:

1~ Mandatory Entry-Head on over to Amy and Adele and leave a comment letting us know what product you like best! (1 entry)

Additional Entries:

Publicly follow my blog (1 entry)

Tweet about this giveaway (3 entries)

Break in Giveaway Extravagant...for my rant

2010-03-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Donna Simpson,

There have got to be at least a 1,000 other things you can do in your life to be an "original" person besides having a goal to weigh 1,000 pounds. Forget infringement of civil liberties here, this woman is saying she is not harming anyone she is. I think her daughter will beg to differ that no one is being hurt when she is at her mother's funeral someday. This woman already cannot walk more than 2O feet, she is eating herself to where she will be confined in bed. What mother would do this??!

This woman spends $750 dollars a week on food, when there are people starving? 12,000 calories a day! Heck, imagine what any of you would do if you had $750 a week to spend on ANYTHING let alone food.

I tend to get worked up very quickly, and this is one of those times. So...a cancer survivor cannot adopt a child because they are deemed UNFIT but this mother can basically committed suicide by mouth?!

I cannot believe that people actually pay this women to eat and support this behavior, but now I feel almost equally guilty for even writing this blog and promoting her pseudo fame.

Sorry for the crabby rant, I had a lovely day today filled with sunshine but this really upset me.